


in case you don't live forever

by beepbeeprichie (ellewriteswrongs)



Series: it one-shots & song fics [4]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Canon Rewrite, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Established Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Fluff and Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, M/M, Married Couple, Not A Fix-It, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Richie Tozier, The Losers Club (IT) Love Each Other, What Have I Done, an endless cycle of fluff and angst but mostly angst, and i'm ok with that, i'm sure you'll probably want to to punch me in the face by the end, ~chosen family vibes~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 01:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 31,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellewriteswrongs/pseuds/beepbeeprichie
Summary: it's just all of 'it chapter 2' but richie and eddie are married the whole time(and it's somehow sadder than the real thing so this is DEFINITELY NOT A FIX IT)
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh (minor), Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: it one-shots & song fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482236
Comments: 39
Kudos: 130





	1. it chapter 2 but reddie is real and they're married

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kitkatwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatwrites/gifts), [and ray ily](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=and+ray+ily).

> hey so this is probably steaming garbage but i've been writing this for over and month and here it is
> 
> i had this idea and literally thought it would be like 10k words at most but who's the fucking clown now
> 
> (basically this is just the entire movie from beginning to end but what i imagine would've happened if richie and eddie had gotten married before the events of the movie. also i threw in some weird thing that i came up with where i headcanoned that beverly accidentally told richie what she saw in the deadlights because they're bffs and it was supposed to be it's own one-shot but oh well here we are)
> 
> i hope i make y'all cry
> 
> (also the title is from a song with the same name by ben platt)

_ “Babe, can you get the phone?” _Eddie bellowed from the shower down the hall to his husband in the kitchen. Richie was currently spooning through stir fry in a skillet on their stove while their mostly-unused landline rang. It came with their apartment, which is what you get when you buy a million-year-old renovated factory in downtown Los Angeles, apparently. Neither could be bothered to get rid of it even though their landlord was the only one who ever used it and it was currently covered by a substantial layer of dust. 

_ “Frank can suck my dick!” _Richie yelled back, Eddie already knowing his distaste for their landlord.

_ “Goddammit Richie, just answer it!” _

He rolled his eyes, leaving the wooden spoon in the pan of stir fry and crossing the kitchen to answer the phone. 

“Yello’,” he answered. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Frankie?”

The caller paused for a moment, something Richie normally would have assumed was the indication of a prank call or a telemarketer, but he could still hear their breathing and a quiet surprised noise that followed his words.

“Richie?” The voice asked like they hadn’t expected the man to answer the phone in his own damn home.

“That’s the name,” he continued, crossing his arms and holding the phone with his shoulder, still slightly confused by the unknown caller. 

“Huh, okay. ‘Must’ve mixed up the numbers,” the man mumbled to himself. “Richie it’s Mike. Mike Hanlon…from Derry.”

Richie felt the blood in his veins turn as cold as ice and he nearly dropped the phone right then. 

Derry. 

_ Derry, Maine. _

His hometown. 

His and Eddie’s. 

And _ Mike’s. _

“Mike?” He asked incredulously. “Holy shit, man. I…I don’t know how to tell you this, but until you said that, I had no idea who you were.”

Mike huffed a small laugh. 

“No worries, Rich. None of the others did at first either.”

The others?

The others…

Oh _ fuck _.

“The Losers?” His voice was hesitant, but he knew he was right. “You…talked to them?”

“Not all of them yet. I just got off the phone with Bill, actually,” Mike explained, Richie’s heart doing a little flip of sorts at the mention of his old friend. 

“Oh man, fucking _ Bill? _ How is he? How are _ you? _ I can’t believe I didn’t remember!” Richie laughed to himself, almost out of breath from how fast his heart was beating. “Who have you called already?”

_ Don’t say Eddie. Please, Mike. Don’t say Eddie. If he already knows, there’s no way he’ll stay here. Say you’re leaving him out of this so I won’t have to break his heart. Please, I can’t lose him. _

“Just Bill so far. I called Ben right before this, but his phone went to voicemail, so I figured I’d call back later. Bill and I talked for quite a while though, actually,” he explained and Richie felt himself breathe even easier. “So will you come?”

Richie bit his lip. 

“What all are ya’ asking, Mikey? I’ve got shows, I’ve got things I need to do,” he practically pleaded, wanting nothing more than to finish making dinner so he and Eddie could curl up on the sofa and watch their stupid home renovation shows they loved to hate.

“You need to come home, Rich. Back to Derry,” Mike explained, desperation in his voice. “We made an oath.”

Richie swallowed, staring down the hallway where he could still hear the shower running. 

“I’ll be there,” he promised, Mike letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you. Seriously, thank you,” he spoke. “I’ll see you soon, Richie.”

“Yeah, see you,” Richie said shakily. “Wait! Why didn’t you know it was me?” He stopped the other man from hanging up with one last idea, always one to do things last-minute. 

“What do you mean?”

“When I picked up the phone, you were surprised that I answered. I thought you were calling us all on purpose.”

Mike chuckled. “Oh, right. I guess when I was tracking down all of your phone numbers, I must’ve mixed some up. I put your number under Eddie’s name for some reason.”

Oh, _ fuck _.

Mike didn’t know. 

Mike didn’t know they literally _ got married _.

“Yeah, we live together,” Richie said casually, hoping Mike wouldn’t press too much. He was honestly confused as to how Mike didn’t know anyway. He made jokes about his husband all the time in his shows and he’d been out to the public since their wedding. It was relatively well-known by the media that he was married. Sure, they didn’t know Eddie’s last name and he hardly showed his face since he didn’t have social media or anything, but surely his closest childhood friends would’ve been able to figure that all out…

“Wait, seriously?” Mike asked, genuinely confused as if it seemed impossible. “How…how did you remember each other?”

“We didn’t,” Richie laughed quietly, recalling the memory. “I had this stupid motorcycle in college, you know, like an asshole.” Mike chuckled a little. “One night I was riding back home from a gig when I got in an accident and wound up in the emergency room in some hospital in San Francisco. Our little Eddie Spaghetti, still suffering his way through med school at the time, patched me up and made sure to let me know how fucking stupid I was to be riding on the highway without a helmet on, but it was the nineties.” He couldn’t help but smile. “We kept in touch after that and once my time in campus housing was up, I asked him if he wanted to move in together. The rest is history.”

He couldn’t explain why he didn’t tell Mike the whole story, but he convinced himself it was just because he wanted to tell them all in person.

“Jesus,” Mike spoke with a laugh in his voice. “So you found each other all over again without even remembering?”

Richie picked up a framed photo on the kitchen counter, tracing his fingers across Eddie’s framed face. “I guess we did.”

“Can you tell him, then? I still have three more Losers to call,” Mike asked and Richie felt like he’d just won the lottery. 

“Yeah, definitely. I’ll ask him tonight,” Richie answered smoothly, rushing to hang up.

“Wait, Rich, you can’t ask. He _ has _ to co-“

But Richie had already hung up, maybe even a little too forcefully. 

The phone was in two pieces, the cord hanging one piece from the receiver and the other still in Richie’s hand. 

Okay, definitely too forcefully. 

“Was that Frank?” Eddie’s voice snapped Richie out of his trance as the taller man whipped his head around. He couldn’t help but stare for a moment, memories of a life together before the one he always remembered flooding his eyes as he looked at his husband. 

He cleared his throat, blinking a few times. 

“Yeah. Yeah, he just...,” he lied as smoothly as he could. He couldn’t let Eddie go to Derry. He couldn’t risk it. If anything happened to him, Richie would never forgive himself. A little white lie was nothing if it kept Eddie alive. “He just called to say they’re disabling the landlines this weekend. Since nobody but him uses ‘em. He said something about getting an intercom thing installed soon.”

Eddie glanced at the two halves of the phone and raised an eyebrow. 

“And that?”

Richie chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Well, he asked what time would be best to get a maintenance guy up here to get rid of it, but I told him I could handle it,” he explained coolly, returning to the stir fry. “Obviously I got a little excited about finally getting rid of it, but I’m highly qualified.”

Eddie snorted, retrieving two plates from their cupboards and setting them on the counter beside the stove. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he said sarcastically, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Richie’s cheek. He uncorked a bottle of wine, pouring them each a glass as he eyed his husband carefully. “You sure you’re okay?”

Richie froze for a moment, knowing that if he turned around he’d see more flashes and more memories of the life he’d completely forgotten. 

He couldn’t possibly say anything to Eddie, yet he wanted so badly for the other man to know what was currently in his head so badly. They had _ grown up together _. All that time they had thought they met while they were in college when they had really known each other since at least middle school. A small, brown-haired boy filled his mind and he’d be afraid if he wasn’t able to recognize those eyes anywhere. 

“Just peachy, dahling,” he answered in his southern belle voice.

Eddie just rolled his eyes and retreated to their sofa with his dinner and wine, Richie following close behind. 

Everything would be okay. He would sneak out of bed and pack once Eddie fell asleep, catch an overnight flight to Augusta or whatever city was closest and available, and drive the rest of the way. Eddie would never have to know and more importantly, Eddie would survive this time.

Yeah, he knew about Bev’s vision. 

He was pretty sure she didn’t even remember he knew once she’d told him, but it was the first thing that came back when Mike mentioned the words ‘Derry, Maine’ and he knew what he had to do. 

They were sixteen, probably, and high as balls in the Losers’ clubhouse. He was probably ranting about his boyfriend while they smoked pot and laid on the floor, but Bev, in her dazed state, just started spewing everything she saw in the deadlights. She didn’t mention dates. Or maybe she did, and he just couldn’t remember that much. All he knew was that she was saying something about how she was sick of having to look Stan in the face and not tell him how he was going to die. 

And that sobered Richie right the fuck up.

By asking what the hell she was talking about, he _ definitely _ hadn’t wanted the whole story of how his closest friends were all going to die, but he sure fucking got it. 

And Eddie’s future death haunted him for years after that day. _ All of them, older. Like their parents’ ages. Eddie leaning over him with a smile on his face, only to be impaled through the chest with something that looked like a giant crab claw. And then that was it. _

He hadn’t thought about that in decades.

One glance at his husband sitting beside him on the sofa and he felt sick. This man that he’d loved his entire life was going to die if he went to Derry. He could feel it in his soul. He couldn’t possibly let him find out he was going and there was no way Eddie would be going at all. Not if Richie had anything to do with it.

So that night, as he packed a small suitcase, he called a cab, rode to LAX, and flew to New Hampshire, landing as the sun began to rise. He rented a car, the flashiest one he could find, for the sake of meeting his childhood best friends in an informal reunion, and drove to Derry for the rest of the day, checking into a room at the Derry Townhouse. Mike had called him again on the drive to Derry telling him and Eddie, who Richie didn’t confirm or deny was in the car with him, to meet them all at some Chinese restaurant near the Townhouse, so he walked down the street, wishing despite himself that Eddie was there with him.

He had caught up with Ben and Bev in the parking lot, immediately knowing the car wasn’t enough compensation to cover up his slack in the physical appearance department compared to those two. Sure, he knew Eddie thought he was hot as shit, but goddamn Ben and Bev could’ve said they were supermodels and he wouldn’t have questioned it for a second.

The trio headed inside, the hostess directing them to a private room with a round table and three handsome men standing around it.

Wait.

_ Three. _

And one of them wasn’t Stan.

Fuck.

He really fucking tried to just let the group’s attention stay on how goddamn hot Ben and Bev were, but alas he could never escape the eye of a particular asthmatic.

And Eddie looked fucking furious.

Understandably, but _ still. _

Richie just made sure to be careful about it when he snuck out the back as everyone was exchanging hugs and greetings. 

He sat on the curb outside the restaurant, the obnoxious neon signs making his already-aging skin probably look its worst, but he didn’t really care when he heard Eddie come outside and sit beside him.

“You were going to go without me,” Eddie spoke up, the fury in his eyes from earlier not making it into his words. Maybe he knew why Richie left him. “You _ did _ , you _ left me _.”

Richie laughed dryly. 

“I just didn’t want to lose you, Eds,” he spoke softly, twisting the watch on his wrist. 

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Lose me? What the hell is wrong with you, Rich? I’m not going anywhere, trust me. If I had any desire to leave you, I would’ve done it decades ago,” he teased, trying to make light of the situation, but only getting a weak smile out of his husband. Eddie took notice. “Please, just tell me. I love you and I would never leave you so will you just tell me why you’re so worried I’m going to leave you that you flew across the country?”

Richie just grabbed one of Eddie’s hands and pressed his knuckles to his lips. 

“I love you too and I know that if I told you, you’d drive yourself insane trying to change it, so I’m going to do it instead,” he explained cryptically. “I’m already not doing so hot though.”

Eddie seemed to consider fighting Richie on that answer, but ultimately just grabbed his hand and helped him up off the ground.

“Okay. I trust you,” he smiled and the two headed back inside.

Just as they stepped through the archway into the room, Bev called out to him and he dropped Eddie’s hand, both men retreating to their seats. 

“Richie! Listen, Bill got _ married! _” Bev teased, taking a swig of beer and gesturing the bottle at the shorter man. It still blew his mind that Bill had hardly grown since they’d all last seen each other. 

He pulled his best surprised look and gave the man a round of applause. 

“Damn, Big Bill! What, did she not hit a growth spurt yet?” The table laughed, including Bill a little, until he froze, looking up at Richie and meeting his eyes. 

“You know what?” He spoke, mischief painting his face. “_ Beep beep Richie.” _

The man in question gasped dramatically, clutching his chest as their friends all whooped and cheered with excitement about remembering their old childhood joke.

“Oh my god, if I’d remembered that, I probably could’ve gone a solid few more years with you before I completely lost my mind,” Eddie teased, glancing beside him at Richie with the same exasperated yet lovestruck look in his eyes. 

“Yeah, seriously,” Ben continued. “I’m praying for whatever pour soul marries you and has to suffer through a lifetime of dick jokes without our secret weapon.”

Richie snorted, stealing a glance at Eddie. 

“Wait, you do know I’m married, right?” Richie asked seriously, looking around the table at all of his friends who definitely didn’t believe him. He laughed at that, setting down his drink to hold up his left hand, wiggling his ring finger for his friends to see. Bev’s jaw literally dropped. 

“I call bullshit,” Beverly announced. “There’s no _ way _Richie’s married.”

“I don’t know, guys,” Eddie teased, chiming into the conversation as he held Richie’s other hand under the table. “Clearly you guys haven’t seen the paychecks from all those Netflix specials.”

A wave of realization spread across the table as Richie and Eddie shared a look that said that they were both going to milk this as long as they could. 

“Richard Tozier, you better not be some poor girl’s goddamn sugar daddy or something,” Ben countered. Eddie snorted and choked on his drink. 

“Don’t worry,” Richie explained. “One of those things is _ definitely _ not true.”

Eddie threw his napkin at Richie’s head and the others remained blissfully ignorant of the domestic display right in front of them, despite the hands flying everywhere. 

“Wait, Eddie, you’re married too?” Bill pointed out, the fluorescent lights catching on both the engagement ring and the wedding band side by side on his finger. 

Richie just rolled his eyes as dramatically as he could and grabbed Eddie’s hand. 

“You guys are so stupid, I can’t even believe it,” he joked with just enough honesty to let them know he wasn’t really kidding. “Eds and I have been married for almost fifteen years.”

The room was dead silent as soon as the words left Richie’s mouth. No one dared to move, they all just stared at Richie and Eddie waiting for one of them announce that it was all a joke and they all fell for it. 

But nothing came.

“You’re fucking serious, aren’t you?” Bev said, realization crossing her face. They both nodded. “Holy shit.”

“Kiss him. Eddie kiss him right now because if I know anything about you, I know you’d never kiss our resident _ Trashmouth _unless you actually loved him,” Bill reasoned, staring at Eddie with a look that said how badly he wanted to believe them. 

And so he did. 

Eddie was nothing if not proud to be in love with his husband. 

“Well hot damn,” Mike spoke up, rising a laugh out of the group as he clapped Richie’s shoulder. “You two really hit the jackpot, forgetting everything and still ending up together.”

Richie beamed, turning back to Eddie and holding up his hand for a high five. “Hell yeah I did! Ain’t that right, Eds?”

And much to both his and everyone else’s surprise, Eddie actually gave him a high five. A visibly reluctant one? Definitely. Did he grumble under his breath not to call him ‘Eds’ while he did it? Of course, but he still did it.

“What the hell is taking Stanley so long?” Mike mumbled to himself, staring at the empty chair between Eddie and Beverly. 

They all just looked at the chair as if they couldn’t understand why it was set out there in the first place. Stanley? Why couldn’t they remember all of these things?

“Stan…Stanley…_Stan_ _Uris_,” Ben concluded, the rest of the table exclaiming in recognition and agreement.

“Mikey, why the hell can’t we remember anything?” Once Bill asked the question they were all too afraid to think about, the comfortable silence was replaced with something much more sinister. Eddie instinctively reached for Richie’s hand and squeezed it tight. 

Mike sighed heavily, swirling the beer around in his bottle. 

“Memory doesn’t work the same way in Derry as it works everywhere else,” he started. “Does anyone remember anything about the summer we all met? When we were thirteen, the summer of 1989?”

Everyone else seemed to have their own personal mental battle as they all wracked their brains trying to figure out what Mike was referring to. Richie was shaking so hard Eddie was worried he was about to fall right out of his chair. Something was very wrong with him and he couldn’t tell if bringing it up would make things better or worse. 

But Bev beat him to it. 

“Pennywise…” she breathed, as if uttering the name would make _ it _ appear.

“The…the c-c-clown,” Bill stuttered out, looking horrified once he finally got the words out. “Fuck, I haven’t s-st-st-stuttered since…I d-d-don’t even know.”

“When Mike called me, I had an asthma attack for the first time since high school,” Eddie admitted, slightly easing Bill’s embarrassment. Richie whipped his head towards him, stunned. 

“You _ what _?”

_ “ _Rich, you left without me and didn’t even bother to say goodbye,” Eddie spoke softly, his voice cracking. “Mike called me right after you left, he said you had called him to say you were on your way, but he wanted to make sure we had reservations at the Townhouse. Since, you know, you’re always a mess when it comes to that shit. Once I got my shit together, I booked a plane ticket and followed you.”

Richie just stared at him, Eddie still clearly hurt by the circumstances that brought them both to Derry, but that was a conversation for another time when they weren’t surrounded by their friends. 

“As soon as I hung up, I felt like I’d just run a marathon,” Ben continued. “I run at least three miles every morning and all of a sudden a _ phone call _ made me feel like that.”

“It’s fear,” Mike explained, recapturing everyone’s attention. “That fear that’s been hidden since we were kids, it went away with all of your memories because _ It _ wanted you to forget. The less you can remember, the less things there are to bring us back to fight it again.” An immediate outburst of reluctance filled the room. “But this time we can win for real, I know it! I saw it, I know what we did wrong.”

The group looked around at each other, as if waiting for Mike to say he was just kidding and that they could go about the rest of their reunion happily like regular friends. 

“We b-b-barely survived the f-first time,” Bill mumbled, terror and guilt in his eyes. 

“Because we didn’t believe it was dead the first time,” Mike continued, Richie scoffing and rolling his eyes, to which Eddie slapped his arm. 

“Bullshit,” Richie interrupted before Mike could continue.

“Richie!” Eddie shoved him, sighing and burying his hands in his hair.

“I’m sorry but what the fuck? Are we really supposed to believe that after we miraculously escaped with our lives at thirteen, we didn’t believe it was dead? That doesn’t make any fucking sense!” Richie was visibly shaking, really needing to talk to Bev about what she had told them so many years ago. 

He could feel Eddie’s hand on his thigh rubbing circles into it, but he hardly paid it any mind. 

“Mike, I’m not risking mine, or my husband’s, or any of the rest of you guys’ lives on something that we barely survived the first time around. We got lucky the first time, but we can’t just push our luck in hopes of doing it all over again! Besides, Stanley didn’t fucking show up so what’s the harm in Eds and I leaving?”

Richie grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and stood up, walking towards the exit of their private room, Eddie immediately going after him, but Richie stopped on his own as a waitress came into the room brandishing a plate of fortune cookies. He sighed, grabbing one of the cookies off the plate as the waitress placed the rest in the middle of the table. The others all quickly took a cookie of their own. 

Eddie stood beside him even after the waitress left, his hand curled around Richie’s arm.

“Rich? What is it?” He watched as his husband stared quizzically at the fortune inside.

“It just says ‘cut’,” he spoke, confused. Looking around the table, everyone seemed equally confused. 

“Yeah m-m-mine just says ‘guess’,” Bill added, tossing his paper onto the table. Richie came to stand beside him, lining up both of their papers to spell some sort of message. 

“I’ve got ‘could’ over here,” Ben announced, handing them his fortune. 

“Yeah, here’s ‘it’,” Mike added.

Richie turned around to look at Eddie, a slight twinge of fear in his eyes as he handed a fortune cookie to his husband. 

“‘Not’?” Eddie spoke softly, holding up his fortune paper as Richie reached in and added it to the other four. 

The men all bickered for the next few seconds over what the order of the words should be and what message it was that they were trying to spell out, but it wasn’t until Eddie, still standing near the back of the group, noticed that one of them still hadn’t added their fortune. 

Beverly. 

“Bev?” He asked softly, the others taking notice and falling silent. The woman in question looked up at him and a single tear rolled down her cheek as she held out her fortune for Eddie to take. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed when he read it, practically shoving it into Richie’s hands, who added it to the list.

Beverly hesitantly rose from her chair, the others all stepping out of her way as she made her way over to rearrange the words. 

No one wanted to say it when she finished.

“Guess Stanley could not cut it,” she whispered, the words hanging around them like they were being taunted by them. 

“Bev, what the _ fuck _ does that mean?” Eddie spoke up, grabbing onto the woman’s upper arm, his hands shaking. “He couldn’t _ cut it? _ What the fuck?”

And just like that, all hell broke loose.

The table started shaking and fortune cookies seemed to be jumping right out of the bowl and onto the table in front of them. Everyone split apart, jumping back and away from the demonic cookies. As the cookies began to open up around the table, their screams filled the room. 

“What the fuck is that thing?” Ben yelled, he, Mike, and Eddie ending up in a corner with a tiny creature that looked like half human baby, half moth. 

Richie felt like a knife went straight through his heart as he heard Eddie scream and watched him cling to Mike. From right beside him, he quickly grabbed his husband’s arm and placed himself between the man and the table. 

Somewhere along the line, he heard Beverly start screaming and Ben disappeared from the group to help her, Mike meeting him there to start fending off the creature as it flew around them in circles. 

Just as Eddie was panicking as he watched the tiny moth baby thing flying around them, he heard Richie scream beside him and his heart leapt into his throat. He immediately plastered himself to Richie’s side, finding his hand and gripping it tight as one of the fortune cookies unleashed an eyeball with tentacles of sorts that were reaching out to them. Eddie practically yanked Richie back towards the wall and he could feel Richie’s face buried in his shoulder as he watched the monsters attacking all of their friends.

Even Bill, who was currently entranced by a poor baby bird struggling to fly after hatching from one of the fortune cookies, seemed terrified as the bowl full of cookies began to fill with some sort of dark liquid that was burning everything on the table as it slowly overflowed. The moment they all noticed the bird, they all remembered one specific detail from their childhood and knew that Pennywise was just taunting them with Stanley’s absence. 

A lasting reminder of a boy that always felt more at home with the birds. 

“Guys! It’s not real!” Mike yelled, all of them hardly registering the man’s words. “It’s in your head, it’s not _ real _!”

He took a chair to the table, bashing the amalgamation of horrors as he chanted those words over and over again, “_ It’s not real!” _Until, that is, a waitress came in to ask if everything was alright and suddenly it was as if nothing had ever gone wrong in the first place. 

“Is everything alright in here?” The poor woman asked, clearly trying to repress her urge to call the police on the six grown adults destroying the restaurant.

Richie was still clinging to Eddie’s cardigan like their lives depended on it even as the commotion ceased, so Eddie gently carded his fingers through the man’s hair, hoping it would help calm him down. 

“Yeah, can we just get the check?” Eddie asked with a chuckle and an uncomfortable smile, which thankfully earned a small laugh from Richie and the others as the waitress turned to leave. 

Once they had paid their bill and apologized profusely to the entire staff for causing such a scene, the group congregated in the parking lot for a much-need discussion of whatever the fuck just went down inside.

Needless to say, they were all traumatized and terrified and when Mike told them all what he really called them to Derry for…honestly betrayed. Sure, Richie knew since the phone call and so did Beverly, but they were both understandably furious to find out that Mike hadn’t told any of the others what they were really doing in Derry. 

It was ultimately Beverly that offered to call Stanley with the phone number Mike had used to call him just the night before so they could figure out where he was and why he was the only one who hadn’t come to meet them. As it turned out, they couldn’t even speak with him when they called. His wife Patty answered the phone, her voice noticeably hoarse from crying. Beverly’s face shifted into a look of recognition and horror as Patty explained to her that her husband had taken his own life just the night before, Beverly just barely quicker whispering the name of the room he’d done it in that she could now see so vividly in her mind. She nearly collapsed in tears as she realized what had happened, which only lead to more outbursts of reasons why they should all leave before it was too late.

Richie just felt like he could vomit again. Beverly had told him all those years ago how Stan would one day take his own life in a bathtub filled with blood and among the rest of her visions of the rest of their friends, he had never guessed that Stanley would’ve been the first. Still, that meant one thing that felt like it was tearing up his insides. If she was right about Stan, then she was right about all of them. That was the undeniable caveat. She was right about herself and himself, about Ben, and Bill, and Mike, and _ Eddie _.

Ben and Beverly both left to return to the Derry Townhouse and collect their things before heading out of town and Eddie didn’t even hesitate to tag along when Richie suggested they all get the hell out of dodge and catch the first flight back to Los Angeles. 

“How much did you remember before Mike told us?” Eddie asked him softly as they stood side by side, both men packing up Eddie’s suitcase from the small dresser in the room. Richie had left his things in his rental car, but Eddie had taken a cab and therefore had to unpack his things once he got to the townhouse. 

They always folded laundry together at home so repacking a suitcase was almost comforting to the couple. Still, Richie had to admit that there was no way he’d relax until they were far away from Derry.

“Enough,” he admitted, hoping Eddie wouldn’t push too much. 

“I can’t believe we fucking grew up together,” Eddie chuckled softly, knocking his shoulder into Richie’s. “Like what are the odds of that? I mean, none of the others kept in touch. Just think about that Rich, we’ve known each other for over thirty years.”

“It’s like I always told ya’,” Richie smiled. “Soulmates.”

He could tell Eddie rolled his eyes without even looking at him. 

“I…I remember you always used to believe in that shit,” he spoke fondly. “You were such a sap even back then.”

Richie kissed the shorter man’s temple. “Still am, sweet cheeks.”

Eddie groaned at the nickname. “Somehow that’s worse than ‘Eddie Spaghetti’.”

“You love it,” Richie immediately countered.

“Do I though?”

“You _ tolerate _ it.”

“That’s more like it.”

By the time they retreated downstairs, the rest of the group had congregated together, another seemingly tense conversation playing out. 

“What’d we miss?” Eddie asked awkwardly as the group all looked up towards them, Bev’s face streaked with tears.

It was sickening, the conversation that followed. Eddie was horrified to learn what Bev had kept from them ever since that summer along with the rest of them, but Richie just grabbed a bottle of bourbon off the shelf and poured himself a triple. 

She didn’t tell them as much as she had told Richie as kids and by the way she looked at him, she had no idea that he even knew, but now that everyone knew the truth, he knew he had to talk to her. 

They all retreated to their rooms to sleep off the alcohol and paralyzing fear that came with being back in Derry with the agreement that they would reconvene in the morning for the first stage of the process. As everyone headed back upstairs, Richie pulled Beverly aside to talk and promised Eddie he’d meet him in their room as the two headed back into the parlor room. 

“Bevvie, I don’t think you remember but-“ he started as they sat side-by-side on the sofa, but Bev grabbed onto one of his hands quickly. 

“I told you, didn’t I?” She asked as if she already knew the answer. The guilt in her eyes was impossible not to notice. Richie huffed a weak laugh with a smile that didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. 

“It’s not your fault, Red, we were high and you should’ve never had to hold onto all of that alone for so long,” he assured her, falling back into a rhythm he had loved as a kid. It had always been so easy to talk to Beverly. “I didn’t mind carrying your secret with you.”

Beverly moved to wipe away the tears that had returned to her cheeks, but Richie beat her to it. 

“But you never deserved that!” She cried, gripping the man’s arms. “It was my burden to carry, you never asked to share that with me.”

“I didn’t have to,” he continued. “And you didn’t either. You never asked to hold the weight of your friends’ deaths in your hands, but now you do. I’m not mad, Bev. I never was.”

Beverly nodded shakily, leaning into her counterpart’s arms that quickly wrapped around her until she had a realization and tensed up in Richie’s grasp.

“You…you stayed with Eddie that whole time! You know—you know what happens!” She cried, gripping his hand and feeling his wedding band under her fingers. “You didn’t tell him?”

Richie let a small tear fall.

“I tried,” he sniffled, blinking away his tears. “I fucking tried so hard, Red. I told Mike not to call him, I left in the middle of the night so he wouldn’t know, but he still followed me out here.” His voice cracked as he spoke and the fear that radiated from him was undeniable. “I don’t know what to do, but I can’t lose him, I _ can’t _.”

Beverly ran a hand through his hair, cupping his cheek. 

“It’s okay, honey,” she spoke softly. “We’d all do anything to keep him safe, and I know you would too. He’s gonna’ be okay, we’ll make sure of it.”

Richie simply nodded and looked back up at the staircase to the second floor. He wiped his tears away hastily and stood up from the sofa. 

“I should—I should go talk to him, he hates sleeping alone, I need to…I need to see him,” he stumbled out, Beverly nodded, smiling at him as the man jogged up the staircase. 

When he walked into their room, which had actually been Eddie’s since Richie had forgotten a few important things for the trip, such as a place to sleep. Eddie was in the small ensuite bathroom brushing his teeth and Richie didn’t hesitate to rush up to him and wrap his arms around his husband. Eddie chuckled around his toothbrush, his free hand running his fingers through Richie’s hair has the taller man curled around his back, his chin resting in the crook of his neck. 

Eddie smiled at first until he noticed the redness in his husband’s eyes and quickly turned around, spitting into the sink and putting away his toothbrush. 

“Richie, baby, talk to me,” he rushed out, his hands quickly going to the man’s shoulders. Richie sighed, his hands still holding Eddie’s waist.

“It’s nothing, just talked through some old memories. Seriously, don’t lose your big ‘ole spaghetti head over it,” he assured him, plastering on a smile. Eddie rolled his eyes but didn’t give in so easily. “Bevvie and I were just making some plans, that’s all. Just some things we gotta’ fix.”

Eddie’s face softened in the glow of the yellowing old lights. 

“Rich, please don’t tell me you’re doing something stupid and reckless because I am planning solely on you and I coming home in one piece and if you two are-“

Richie cut him off with a kiss, seizing Eddie’s face in his hands. 

“I know what I’m doing, Eds. Promise.”

Eddie knew that look anywhere. 

“Don’t choose me over yourself, asshole,” he spoke without any malice. Richie scoffed and rolled his eyes. Not the lovingly-exasperated way Eddie always did, but in a way that told Eddie he couldn’t believe what he was asking him to do. “I’m fucking serious, Richie. If you and Bev know something I don’t, please don’t get yourself hurt over it.”

Richie didn’t look up from where his eyes had trained down at his hands gripping the edge of the sink tightly. 

“Rich,” Eddie continued. “Rich, I need you to promise me you’ll stay safe.”

“How can I promise to stay safe when we’re literally going to go fight a demonic killer clown, Eds?”

Eddie rolled his eyes and angrily grabbed one of Richie’s hands away from gripping the porcelain until his knuckles turned white. He laced their fingers together, Eddie’s right hand in Richie’s left, and held them against his chest, feeling his own rapid heartbeat beneath his hand. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if anything happened to you, asshole,” he seethed, stopping himself afterwards to take a deep breath and compose himself, his voice softer afterwards. “I can’t help but worry about you and seeing you like this breaks my heart.” 

As soon as Eddie’s voice cracked at the end, Richie didn’t hesitate to pull the man into his chest. 

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” He suggested, running his fingers through Eddie’s hair as the smaller man nodded into his chest. 

Some time in the early hours of the morning, Richie woke up with a start, sweat dripping down his forehead and matting down his hair. His phone on the bedside table beside him told him he still had a solid three hours before the townhouse even started serving their complimentary coffee but he knew there was no way he’d ever be able to sleep after that. 

Not after the most hyper-realistic dream he’d ever had. 

He could practically feel Eddie’s blood on his hands, his skin cold under his touch. 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever had a true nightmare before until that night. Nothing else could possibly compare to that level or terror. 

He just sat there for hours watching Eddie’s chest rise and fall as he held his husband’s hand to his chest and trembled. 

As the sun ultimately rose, he was sure he looked like shit. He’d barely slept and his eyes were still bloodshot from the tears that had plagued the few hours of sleep he’d had. For once he was grateful that Eddie could sleep through anything. 

Ben was the only other one of the group downstairs when he finally decided to get his ass out of bed and get some coffee. He threw on the same jeans he’d worn on the plane and a dark gray shirt he couldn’t tell if he’d already worn or not. He was about to leave their room, but for whatever reason he felt compelled to wear one of his favorite button up shirts unbuttoned over top the gray one. It wasn’t anything like how he usually wore those pieces, but it felt more right somehow.

Like he looked like himself when he looked in the mirror.

Ben, on the other hand, still looked like a complete stranger, even more so than the other three people that he hadn’t seen in so long they’d all become strangers again. His hair slightly damp with sweat from what Richie could only guess was an early morning jog around town, and a loose t-shirt that showed off just how toned his arms were. 

Goddamn, if he wasn’t married he wouldn’t know what to do with himself, but he knew he’d be thirsting after Ben _ hard _.

Actually, he was pretty sure Eddie would be too.

Still, he could still see a little bit of that same lovesick kid in his eyes when Beverly came down to join them for coffee and poured a shot of whiskey from the townhouse bar into her mug.

Throughout the next hour or so, the rest of the losers began to join the group, Mike being the next to arrive, followed by Eddie, and Bill coming in last looking almost as bad as Richie. 

Eddie attached himself at Richie’s side, immediately noticing how awful his husband looked, and traced circles on his bicep as Mike explained to the group that they would be going on a walk together to see something that Mike needed them to remember. 

Richie grabbed a jacket from their room, even though it was the middle of the summer, just to have something to occupy his hands with. 

Thankfully, the sun had only just risen so the streets were almost entirely empty, save for a few joggers and dog walkers. That town that ruined all of their lives in one way or another was actually quite beautiful in the early morning. 

Richie, who practically lived and breathed PDA, kept both hands firmly in his jacket pockets for longer than he would’ve liked until ultimately Eddie made a move to grab his hand first. They both knew how the general population of Derry felt about same-sex relationships, but for once they had bigger concerns than what the strangers on the street had to say about them. 

Mike led them first to the barrens to a spot in the woods just a short walk from the river that they all began remembering the closer they all came. 

“The clubhouse!” Ben realized excitedly, remembering the project that had sparked his love for architecture all those years ago. They all began searching around for the entrance hatch until the man himself fell through the ground and the hatch swung open. 

One by one they all climbed down the ladder into the pit, helping Ben off the ground as they all spread out around the room to find someplace to sit. 

It was magical being back down there, almost as if every one of them, from the moment they came inside, was back to being thirteen all over again. There were plenty of seating options, quite a few that had withstood the test of time thankfully, but one in particular caught Richie’s eye and his tired eyes lit up like a child as he grabbed Eddie’s hand and dragged him over. 

“Eds look! The hammock’s still here!” He excitedly pointed out, swinging around the giant piece of cloth and shaking out the years of dust that covered it before hopping in without a second thought to how stable it was. 

Sure, there was always plenty of room for two people, but they were forty and while Eddie was still small in relation to Richie, neither of them were _ actually _ thirteen anymore and there was no way they’d be able to fit anywhere near as comfortably as they always could as kids.

“Eds, c’mon,” Richie pleaded, hanging his legs off the sides as if that would give up enough room for Eddie to sit down.

“No fucking way, babe. That thing can barely hold you,” Eddie snorted, rolling his eyes and leaning up against one of the beams supporting the hammock. Neither the beam or the hooks holding up the hammock seemed unstable at all, but Eddie wasn’t going to give in that easily. 

“Nothing holds me better than your mom, ain’t that right?” Richie teased, still holding out hope Eddie would give in.

“Jesus Christ,” Bill grumbled from the bench beside them as he laughed a little. “This is somehow the perfect example of and also definitely not what people mean by ‘bickering like an old married couple’.”

“You’re just jealous Big Bill,” Richie goaded, sitting upright to wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist and pull the man into the hammock as he shrieked in protest. Eddie huffed as he fell against Richie’s chest, his legs curled up between Richie’s. He quickly rolled over onto his stomach, his chest against Richie’s as he folded his arms under his chin and flicked the man in the middle of his forehead. 

“You’re the worst,” he grumbled, leaning back so the two sat opposite, just like they used to as kids. He propped his feet up onto Richie’s chest and turned his attention back to their friends. 

Everyone seemed to have been watching them as if in some sort of trance, a look of fond remembrance on each of their faces. 

“Guys,” Bill announced, calling everyone’s attention to a small coffee can he grabbed off one of the shelves, blowing dust off the lid. He turned the can around for everyone else to see its label. “It says ‘for use of losers only’,” he paused. “Signed ‘Stan’.”

Everyone waited with baited breath as Bill carefully pried open the can and reached inside. 

“Shower caps?” Richie spoke aloud as Bill pulled one out of the caps out. “Why would he—_ oh.” _

Richie’s face morphed into delight.

“Oh _ I _ remember _ those,” _ he teased. Folding his arms behind his head as Eddie kicked his shoes off and maneuvered his feet into Richie’s face so he could kick off the man’s glasses. Richie just rolled his eyes and sighed fondly, not letting that deter him. “You losers were so terrified of getting-“

“Spiders in our hair,” Beverly finished with a soft chuckle. She shook out her hair dramatically. “He always was looking out for us.”

“I wish I could’ve known him as an adult,” Ben admitted, sadness creeping onto his face. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“I wonder what he was like all grown up,” Eddie wondered out loud, worrying the hem of his polo. 

“Probably just like he was as a kid,” Richie answered, grabbing his hand away from his shirt and intertwining their fingers. “The best.”

The melancholy atmosphere seemed to linger after that statement as everyone fell into the pit of memories that had been plaguing them all for hours. 

“Mikey, w-what are we all doing h-here?” Bill spoke up, breaking the prolonged silence. 

Everyone listened with baited breath as the man in question explained everything from the origins of the Ritual of Chüd, as he called it, to the so-called tokens they all needed to split up and find. He explained that the shower cap would be Stan’s token that he had wanted them to find together before going off on their own.

“Wait, you want us to just fuck off on our own?” Richie asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, statistically speaking, we’d be much better off sticking together,” Eddie added, Richie gesturing for the rest of the group to take his husband’s expert opinion. 

Mike sighed deeply, clearly having anticipated this response as they all climbed out of the clubhouse. 

“These memories have to be personal. Something that sets each of us apart from the rest. We have to have each piece of the puzzle, not seven of the same piece,” he explained. “We were together almost all of that summer, but what’s important is the time we spent apart.”

Richie and Bill glanced at each other guiltily before focusing back on Mike.

“How about we go our separate ways and meet back at the Townhouse as soon as we’re all done?” He suggested as if everyone still really didn’t want to leave each other. 

“F-f-fine,” Bill huffed, clearly more stressed out than usual as he pulled his flannel over-shirt tighter around his body. “See y-you guys b-b-back at the Townh-h-house.”

As Bill left first, Beverly followed close behind, a visibly-disappointed Ben leaving not long after. 

“Mike, are you sure we can’t stay together?” Eddie spoke up, dragging Richie’s attention back from watching their friends leave. “I mean, even when the whole group split up,” he looked up at Richie with terrified, pleading eyes. “We hardly spent any time apart.”

Mike looked between the two men, watching how tightly Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand. 

“I’m sorry, guys,” he spoke as their faces fell. “I really am, but the last thing I want to risk is screwing this thing up and not make it out alive because of it.” Richie’s breath hitched and seemingly neither of the others noticed, but he was ready and willing to do anything that might get them out of that shitstorm alive.

“It’s okay, Eds,” Richie assured him. The trio heading towards the street. “There ain’t nobody in this world that’s gonna’ stop me from comin’ back to ya’.” He chided in his most ridiculous southern accent, to which he received a chuckle from Mike and a shove from Eddie. 

“Shut up, stupid,” Eddie grumbled moving to hold onto Richie’s forearm as they walked.

“Oof, nice comeback, babe. That one really stung.”

Mike quickly took that as a cue to head in a different direction to the riverbank of the barrens, but with a smile on his face as he heard the two men bickering even after he left. 

They walked hand in hand down the streets of Derry, despite the fact that there were substantially more people out than there had been that morning. Something about a carnival opening that day. 

They weren’t going to break Mike’s rules, but technically he never said they couldn’t just stick together until they found where they would get their tokens, so that was what they were going to do. 

It wasn’t until Eddie stopped in his tracks across the street from Keene’s Pharmacy that Richie knew he had to leave him behind. 

“Be careful, yeah?” Richie asked him, Eddie silently grateful he didn’t have to say what he wanted to do out loud. The shorter man nodded and kissed Richie’s knuckles from their intertwined hands before they parted and Eddie crossed the street alone. 

Richie watched him go as he continued to walk down the street, hardly noticing where he was going until he found himself outside the Capitol Theater. His legs carried him to the door before he could consider whether or not to keep walking down the sidewalk and carefully opened the doors through the shattered window. 

The room was filled with dust and trash, no surprise after seeing the foreclosure signs outside, but there was some sort of feeling that passed over Richie’s body the moment he stepped in. Like a mixture of familiarity and home, but also of fear and shame that felt like it was choking him. 

He approached the token dispensary machine, dropping in a quarter and pocketing the token it deposited. 

Sadly, his old favorite Street Fighter machine was decrepit and broken beyond repair, but his eyes caught sight of a claw machine towards the back of the movie theater lobby. His heart did a little flip in his chest as he made his way over to the machine, the room around him almost shifting to show the way it looked on one afternoon in the middle of the summer of 1989. 

_ “Richie! That’s the fourth dollar you’ve wasted on this stupid game!” Eddie chastised him, sitting on the shelf-like part of the machine with all the controls. Just as Richie reached to slide in another token, the smaller boy smacked his hands away from the controls, hopping off the machine and grabbing Richie by the back of his Hawaiian shirt. _

_ “Eds, come on! I’ve almost got it, I swear,” Richie assured him, though nothing of the last fifteen minutes had done anything to convince the other boy of such. Eddie subsequently rolled his eyes. _

_ “Fine. Prove it, Trashmouth,” Eddie huffed, leaning against the machine and skewing his eyebrows in one more taunt to the other. “If you’re so close, then come on. Show me what’cha got.” _

_ “Oh I’m so close, Eddie Spaghetti, but I told your mom I’d only come on her when I get this close,” he chided, the game whirring to life as he deposited yet another token. _

_ Eddie promptly shoved his shoulder, Richie retaliating and claiming he screwed up his aim, to which Eddie had the audacity to ask what aim he was referring to. _

_ With that turn ultimately a waste as Richie just hit the drop button on accident trying to shove Eddie off the machine. _

_ “Can we please just go get food already? It’s bad enough that you’re the only one that even wants to talk to me, I’d like to not starve on top of that,” Eddie groaned, leaning his head dramatically against the machine. _

_ “Last one, I promise. This baby’s lucky, I can feel it,” Richie assured him, kissing the token before dropping it into the slot. _

_ Eddie winced. “Dude that is so fucking disgusting! Are you kidding me? Do you even know how many people have touched that thing?” _

_ Richie just rolled his eyes fondly and carefully maneuvered the crane over the stuffed duck in the corner of the pile, pressing the drop button as Eddie continued to rant _.

_ “Yes!” He cheered as the stuffed duck was carefully lifted into the air and dropped into the chute to be deposited into his hands. _

_ Eddie stopped ranting only to stare at the boy with a look of shock as Richie held the stuffed duck out to him. _

_ “Rich...” Eddie spoke softly, a smile quickly forming. “I can’t take this. Not after how long you spent trying to win it.” _

_ Richie rolled his eyes and tossed the toy to the other. _

_ “Eds, I won it for you in the first place, just take it,” he grinned, pulling a pen out of his pocket and scrawling ‘Eds’ onto the tag with a small heart beside the name. _

_ Eddie just looked down at the stuffed toy I his lap and then back up at the boy in front of him. _

_ “Fine,” he spoke with a chuckle. “It kinda looks like you anyways, with your big mouth and all.” _

_ “It’s a bill, Eds,” Richie corrected teasingly before gasping in excited realization. “Oh man I think I found our new Big Bill! Who needs that other guy when our new Big Bill won’t almost get’cha killed and his punches feel like getting hit by a pillow.” _

_ Eddie found himself laughing despite how much he really did miss the rest of their friends. He knew Richie missed them too, but it was nice to know that he at least had Richie. He always did. _

_ Besides, he’d always jump at the chance of having alone time with Richie, even if it meant sneaking out of his broken arm-induced house arrest once a week while his mom went to the farmers market in the next town over from Derry. _

_ “So, milkshakes?” Richie suggested, his cheeks tinged pink as Eddie was reminded of their lunch plans. _

_ “Yeah, let me just run to the bathroom and wash my hands,” he explained, handing the duck back to Richie to hold onto. “These machines are fucking disgusting.” _

_ Richie watched as he walked away towards the theater where the restrooms were before he leaned up against the machine and tossed the duck back and forth between his hands. _

_ He nearly jumped out of his skin when he tossed the duck up to catch it again when it was snatched out of the air right in front of his face. His head snapped up to stare straight into Henry Bowers’ eyes and he could’ve sworn his heart sunk down to his feet in a millisecond. _

_ “Bowers,” he spoke with as much conviction as he could muster, his eyes flicking back and forth from Henry’s face to the stuffed duck currently being squished in his hand. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” _

_ Apparently Henry wasn’t in the mood as he elected to grab Richie by the collar of his shirt and shove his back into the machine instead. _

_ “What’re you fuckin’ five, Tozier?” Henry sneered, tossing the duck to Patrick Hockstetter behind him, who snickered as he flipped it over in his hands, pausing when he noticed the tag. _

_ “Oh shit, man,” Patrick smiled maniacally, excitement in his eyes as they met Richie’s terrified ones. People around the arcade were starting to stare but all Richie cared about was getting rid of them before Eddie came back. He winced and braced himself for what he knew was about to come out of Patrick’s mouth. “You a fuckin’ faggot or something?” _

_ Henry let go of Richie’s shirt in favor of grabbing the duck back out of Patrick’s hands and looking at the tag for himself. He chuckled slowly, far too excited for someone who was very likely about to ruin Richie’s entire life in a few words. _

_ “Richie fuckin’ Tozier? Jesus, I should’ve known you were a fairy,” Henry spoke loudly before whispering the end of his sentence centimeters from Richie’s face. The younger boy flinched, but refused to open his eyes. If he did, he knew he’d be crying. He had to hold out. He just had to wait a little longer and maybe the staff would notice they were making too much noise and kick them out. Then he could run away. _

_ Wait. _

_ He couldn’t leave without Eddie. _

_ Not when they could only see each other during the day once a week when his mother was out. _

_ He’d have to stick it out. _

_ Hell, he was practically out of the closet now anyway. Might as well get on Henry’s hit list too. _

_ Before he could stop himself, he opened his teary red eyes and spit right into Bowers’ face, the older boy recoiling for a moment as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. The moment he was done he moved to grip Richie’s throat with one hand as the other pulled out a knife from his belt. Richie’s eye widened in fear for his life, but felt a completely different ache deep in his stomach as Patrick tossed Henry the stuffed toy again. _

_ “Choke on this, fucking faggot,” Henry spat back, too close for comfort as he used the knife to slice the head off of the stuffed duck in one fell swoop, stuffing pouring out and into Henry’s hands. Before Richie could even say anything, Henry shoved the stuffing into his mouth, leaving Richie sputtering as he spit it all out all over the floor of the arcade. His chest was heaving as he slid down the front of the machine onto his knees, frantically trying to clean up the mess before Eddie returned, but to no avail. _

_ “Richie?” Eddie’s voice made him jump back, quickly scrambling away from the loud noise and clutching the remnants of the toy to his chest as he swiftly wiped his eyes. The smaller boy crossed the floor in seconds and was crouched right in front of the other, his hands gingerly reaching out to touch Richie’s neck, which was already turning red. “Who did this?” _

_ He looked around desperately, rage behind his eyes before Richie grabbed his unbroken wrist and he froze, his eyes softening. _

_ “It’s okay, Eds. Please, let’s just go,” he spoke softly, standing up unsteadily before dragging his hands down his face and then pulling them away to reveal a smile. Eddie stared at him for a moment, trying to find any indication that the smile was fake, but he knew Richie better than he knew himself. That smile was real. _

_ “Okay,” he caved, holding out his hand in some terrifying moment of confidence. Richie didn’t even hesitate to grab his hand, now practically grinning ear to ear as the two left the arcade, the duck quickly abandoned into a garbage can. _

“Fuck,” Richie grumbled, scrubbing his face to hopefully get rid of any evidence he’d been crying, but to no avail. He simply shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, rolling the token around between his fingers as he walked, once again just letting his feet carry him wherever he ended up. 

A group of cheerleaders from Derry High School seemed to be practicing at the park when he finally realized where he had ended up, trying to avoid the stares as a few members from a city council meeting on the small amphitheater stage seemed to notice the celebrity in their midst. He spotted a bench up ahead, stuttering in his stride as he looked up to see the same Paul Bunyan statue that had traumatized him as a child. In seconds, it was like he was back to being a kid again on that one horrible day.

_ Richie and Eddie walked hand for blocks without once letting go, despite the looks they received from anyone who happened to stop whatever they were doing and look at the two young boys holding hands out in public. _

_ They were too young for anyone to decide what was wrong with what they were doing, but too old for anyone to excuse it as friendship, apparently. _

_ The diner they frequented every Wednesday afternoon when Sonia Kaspbrak was out at the market sat on the other side of Derry’s only park right in the center of town. They usually ordered their milkshakes and french fries to-go and climbed the tallest tree they could find to sit and eat away from prying eyes, but as soon as Richie spotted a group of girls from their school sitting in the grass by the amphitheater, he stopped and let go of Eddie’s hand. _

_ Eddie glanced up at his, hurt and disappointment across his face as he fumbled with his hands as if unsure what else to do with them. _

_ “You okay?” He asked, hoping it was just something to do with what had happened at the arcade and not because of the hand-holding. Richie shook his head and adjusted his glasses. _

_ “There’s too many people around, Eds, they could see you,” Richie explained, to which Eddie rolled his eyes and reached for Richie’s hand again. When Richie flinched back and held his hand away from Eddie’s grasp, the smaller boy’s heart broke right in two. _

_ “Rich, they’ll see you too,” he huffed, clearly frustrated at his friend’s clear disregard of the situation. “You don’t have to protect me all the time. I can fucking handle my own shit, okay?” _

_ Richie didn’t take the hand Eddie held out to him. _

_ “Rich, get the fuck over yourself,” Eddie practically yelled, his eyes watering a little as he practically begged for Richie to choose him over what everyone in their goddamn town wanted them to do. He reached up again, just like he had done at the arcade, and placed his hand right at the crook of Richie’s neck. _

_ Richie promptly dove away from him. _

_ “Y-you shouldn’t touch me,” he stuttered out, looking up with tears in his eyes. “You don’t--you could...you could catch--” _

_ “That’s right, Richie.” A terrifying interruption made them both jump out of their skin as they instinctively grasped onto each other and looked up to see Pennywise seated on the shoulder of the massive Paul Bunyan statue. _

_ “Don’t touch the other boys, Richie,” the clown taunted, Eddie watching him closely as he desperately tried to get away, but Eddie wouldn’t let him. He knew what Richie really needed was someone to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but he couldn’t. Not when Richie looked like he was about to pass out on his feet. “Don’t or they’ll know your secret.” _

_ Richie whimpered quietly and Eddie felt his heart shatter into pieces. _

_ “Hey, Rich, you gotta’ breathe,” Eddie urged him, holding one of Richie’s hands to his own chest and rubbing small circles onto the boy’s arm, trying to get him to look away. “Please, it’s gonna’ be okay, just look at me.” _

_ Richie was shaking with his entire being, only allowing himself to hold onto the fabric of Eddie’s polo shirt as the clown sat there mocking him. He shut his eyes tight, caving quickly as he buried his face into Eddie’s shoulder. _

_ “It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real,” he mumbled over and over to himself as Eddie focused his attention on trying to help Richie calm down in a unique role reversal. _

_ As soon as Richie seemed to be breathing more steadily, the two looked up and mere feet from their huddled bodies was the face of the statue, sharp teeth and all, with a mouth full of bats and a demonic clown standing right on the tongue. They both screamed and with the other boy frozen in shock, Eddie grabbed Richie by the wrist and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Something was swinging at them and all he could feel was Richie gripping his arm like his life depended on it, which he was sure that it probably did. It wasn’t until one particularly powerful blow to the dirt that the two boys went tumbling to the ground and rolling into each other, Eddie mustering all of his courage as he crawled across the ground to place himself right in between Richie and the monster. _

_ Anything to keep Richie safe. _

_ The unspoken rule that he would follow to the ends of the Earth if he had to. _

_ “It’s not real!” He screamed, feeling Richie wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist from behind, both boys still somewhat sprawled on the ground. “You’re not real!” _

_ Sure his voice cracked and he was so far from intimidating that he wouldn’t have even been surprised if the clown had straight-up laughed in his face, but as soon as he opened his eyes that he had subconsciously closed, everything was back to normal. _

_ “Rich,” he spoke, turning and shaking the other boy’s shoulders. “Richie, look at me.” _

_ Richie did as he was told, and Eddie didn’t even hesitate to wrap his arms tightly around RIchie’s shoulders, feeling another set of arms grip tightly to the back of his shirt, tears soaking the shoulder of his polo. _

_ “Think milkshakes could make this any better?” Eddie suggested, sighing in relief at the watery laugh that was only partially muffled by the fact that Richie had his whole face buried in Eddie’s chest. “I’ll take that as a yes. C’mon, let’s go before they run out of chocolate ice cream like last weekend.” _

_ Richie wobbled a little as he stood up, but Eddie grabbed his hand in seconds, swinging their arms as they walked through the park. _

Richie swore under his breath, pushing up his glasses onto his forehead as he scrubbed at his eyes before the tears became noticeable. He tried not to focus too long on any single person in the crowd, but he couldn’t help but notice the young man that bumped into him from behind, practically shoving a small pamphlet into his hands. He watched as the man walked away, only catching a slight glimpse of his decaying face before a chill ran down his spine. 

As if the missing poster at the Neibolt St. house when he was thirteen wasn’t enough to convince him that trying to be openly gay in Derry would get him killed, the funeral notice with his name and face on it sure fucking did. He crumpled the paper and tucked it into his pocket, knowing what was coming when he turned around to face the Paul Bunyan statue. 

Pennywise did, indeed, sit waiting on the statue’s shoulder again, just like when he was a kid, but this time he didn’t have Eddie to take care of him and _ this _time, he wasn’t holding back from calling Richie out on his secret. 

He taunted the man with games of Street Fighter and truth or dare, before ultimately gripping a massive pyramid of red balloons and floating down towards him, singing a song that Richie was sure would be suck in his head for years to come. 

“_ I know your secret, your dirty little secret,” _the clown sang, taunting him until he was sure he could just about pass out, but he knew the one thing that saved them the first time around. 

He shut his eyes tight, chanting the words “it’s not real” over and over again.

Maybe it was his desperate fear. 

Maybe it was that he was old enough to know the logic behind belief. 

Maybe it was because it wasn’t Eddie’s instruction he had to listen to, because he could always trust Eddie.

Maybe it was because he couldn’t trust himself.

Whatever the reason, he wound up with Pennywise in his face, lips dripping with saliva and eyes hungry. He nearly jumped out of his skin, scrambling backwards as quickly as he could to get away from the clown who did his little dance Eddie had told him about as a kid but ultimately gave up when Richie was long gone. 

Facing all of his friends at the townhouse was literally the last thing he’d ever wanted to do after all of that, but as he walked through the front doors, there were Beverly and Ben, hopefully getting their shit together after decades of pining. He tucked his hands into his pockets, flipping the arcade token around between his fingers as he headed straight for the staircase. He had a plan and the first order of business was getting himself and Eddie the fuck out of dodge.

“Richie, what happened?” Beverly spoke up, seeing right through his attempts to get through unnoticed. 

“We’re leaving,” he grumbled, not bothering to spare any explanation as to who else the ‘we’ included. Anyone with eyes and ears knew it was Eddie, as if they’d go anywhere without each other.

He stormed up the stairs and into their hotel room, starting to throw all of their collective belongings into suitcases and haul them out the second-floor exit. It was going to be fine. He would take the rental car, load all of their shit, pick up Eddie from the pharmacy, and get as far away as fucking possible. 

Fuck whatever Beverly said about all of them dying within a decade if they didn’t kill Pennywise that time around. He’d rather have another few years with Eddie alive in Los Angeles than a lifetime without him because some fucking homophobic clown had it out for him and his husband. 

He sped off down the street, his old memories coming back to riding their bikes down the same streets as a kid and before he knew it, he was outside Keene’s Pharmacy. It didn’t take him long to wait before Eddie was running towards the doors, pushing a few times before ultimately pulling the handle and stumbling down the steps, covered in some brown substance.

“Eds!” He yelled, rolling down the passenger side window for Eddie to get in the car. “C’mon, we’re getting outta’ here!”

Eddie climbed into the car without a second thought, but as soon as Richie went to pull away from the curb, he grabbed his hand. 

“Richie, slow down,” he pleaded, Richie scanning him quickly for any injuries before relaxing. Eddie smiled dopily. 

“You’re okay?” Richie checked, just in case. 

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Babe, I’m fine. Great actually! I almost _ killed _ It.”

Richie’s eyes widened. 

Those words were like a light switch being flipped and all he could think about was what Beverly told him all those years ago. 

Before he could even think, he grabbed the front of Eddie’s cardigan and practically yanked him into Richie’s waiting arms, gripping him so tightly that Eddie could barely move. 

“Rich, baby, what happened?” Eddie spoke quickly, trying to step back and get a good look at Richie’s physical state without denying his husband the physical comfort he clearly needed. Richie, instead, just shook his head and opened the passenger side door of the car and rounded it to climb into the driver’s seat. Eddie visibly hesitated but showed no sign of staying as he slid into the car.

When Richie pulled away from the curb and took off down the street, still without answering Eddie’s question, he grew a bit frustrated. Not because of anything in particular, but because of the unspoken promise they made decades ago to never handle their problems alone. It was in their _ wedding vows _ for fucks sake. 

“Talk to me,” Eddie spoke. Not demanding, not particularly comforting either, but in the way that he knew from decades of experience that Richie needed.

“Eds, you already know about the shit we got into in this town,” he sighed, eyes still on the road. “It’s nothing you didn’t already live through with me. I’m just the fucking pussy who can’t let it go.”

The cruel laugh that followed his words actually made Eddie a bit mad if he was being honest. He scoffed, leaning against the door and away from his husband. 

“It’s not fair if you’re just going to hide all the shit I don’t even _ remember _ from me!”

Richie flinched at Eddie’s heightened volume, but continued driving through the conversation.

“I just don’t think you need to remember,” Richie huffed, still stubborn enough to not look away from the road. “Trust me, I wish I didn’t fucking remember any of this shit.”

He knew that was the wrong thing to say. He knew it the moment the words left his mouth, but that didn’t help the fact that it wasn’t completely false. In fact, he was pretty sure he believed all of it, but that didn’t mean Eddie needed to know that. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Rich, you don’t just get to pick and choose what’s worth remembering in our goddamn relationship! We’ve been together since we were kids! _ Kids! _I’d think you’d trust me by now, but Jesus fucking Christ, Rich, if you don’t want me to know the one memory that apparently shaped your whole summer, so fucking be it.” The words hung around the air for longer than either of them would’ve liked, but Eddie made sure to wait a second to calm down before speaking again, this time much calmer. “Where are we even going?”

He watched Richie’s face carefully, not missing the way his husband was shaking on the steering wheel and still refused to even look at him. 

Still no answer. 

“Richie, I’m serious,” he continued, electing to ignore the way the other man flinched at his outburst. If Richie didn’t trust him, that wasn’t his fault. “Pull over.”

Richie kept driving. 

“Richard Kaspbrak-Tozier, pull this fucking car over or I’m jumping out.”

That seemed to break his resolve, though not in the way Eddie had hoped. He choked a little, tears spilling down his cheeks as he continued to stare straight ahead as if he had been staring to stop himself from crying. 

“Rich-” Eddie started, reaching out to grab one of his hands, but Richie jerked so hard that Eddie immediately retracted his hand.

“I’ll pull over. I’ll pull over, I promise, just…” Richie shuddered, his voice unlike anything Eddie had ever heard before. “Just please stay in the car.”

Eddie didn’t dare speak until the car came to a complete stop. Richie had taken them to some side road near where they usually hiked down to the barrens, but there was a covered bridge ahead of them.

Richie didn’t hesitate before climbing out of the car, first grabbing a small, red Swiss army knife out of the center console. Eddie watched as his husband walked up to the sides of the bridge with the wooden posts that were almost completely overgrown by plants in some places before leaving the car himself. 

He walked up beside Richie, who was now kneeling on the gravel beneath them, carving into the wood.

Eddie sat down beside him, leaning his head onto the man’s shoulder as he watched Richie carve.

He couldn’t help but smile as he noticed what it was. 

“We carved this together,” he remembered, watching as Richie deepened the time-worn letters. 

“‘R’ plus ‘E’. We did this the day we first kissed.”

He heard Richie chuckle faintly and relaxed a little. 

“I still can barely believe how lucky we got,” he spoke dreamily, turning to lay down against the dirt and gravel, against his own better judgment. “Like, we grew up in this shithole town with a murderous child-eating clown, and we survived. We were gay and in an actual relationship for years and never got murdered. Fuckin’ low standards, but whatever. We forgot everything about our lives here and we still found our way back to each other.”

Richie exhaled shakily and closed the pocket knife, turning to lay beside his husband. 

“I don’t think I ever really realized how lucky I am to have you until we came back to Derry,” Eddie continued, curling into Richie’s side and giving up on holding up his side of their argument.

Richie didn’t speak for a while after that, but Eddie didn’t push.

For Richie, he spoke when he had nothing to say and stayed deathly silent when he had a million things on his tongue. Eddie could be patient.

“The last week before she left, Bev told me what she really saw in the deadlights,” Richie started, his voice wavering. “Not the shit she said the day after it happened, but what she _ really _ saw. We were getting high as shit in the clubhouse one day and she just started talking and didn’t stop.” His voice cracked and Eddie, for the first time since they’d arrived in Derry, saw the man free his conscience enough to breathe. “We were just kids and I...I _ loved _ you.”

“Breathe, honey,” Eddie whispered, both men sitting upright so that Eddie could cup the other’s face in his hands. 

Richie took something that could barely be considered a deep breath, but that was enough for Eddie to at least know he was trying. 

“I loved you and she told me all about how I’d _ lose _ you,” he cried, fully crumpling. “She...she told me every horrible detail and I just sat there and listened like it’d be my fault for letting you go if I didn’t.”

Eddie grabbed one of Richie’s hands and brought it up to his lips. 

“I hate lying to you so I’m fucking done,” Richie laughed humorlessly, Eddie’s hands brushing the last remaining tears off his cheeks. “I’m not losing you tonight. I don’t know how or what to do, but I’m not losing you. Hate me afterwards all you want, but I’m doing anything it takes to keep you alive and I won’t let you stop me.”

“You don’t need to protect me, Rich,” Eddie chuckled, fiddling with a dark curl between his fingers. “I can take care of myself. I swear to you, I’ll never do anything without making sure it’s safe first. You know me, Trashmouth.”  
Richie laughed lightly, standing up as he held out a hand to help Eddie off the ground. He pulled the smaller man into his chest and wrapped his arms around him protectively. 

“You know I don’t get like this because I don’t trust you to take care of yourself, right?” Eddie just snorted and rolled his eyes. Richie pulled back and looked the other in the eye. “Spaghetti, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. In my mind, there’s not another person in this world as strong as you, but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t do everything I could to protect you because you’re the one thing on this Earth that I couldn’t live without.”

Eddie immediately grasped the taller man’s face and kissed him, rising onto the tips of his toes.

“I could’ve done without the ‘Spaghetti’ part, but I love you so much,” Eddie spoke breathily before kissing his husband again. Richie grinned into the second kiss so much that their lips were barely touching. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Richie pecked his lips once more before turning to head back to the car. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

Eddie beamed as they drove off back to the townhouse. 

“We’re okay?”

Richie grinned back. 

“Never better, Eddie Spaghetti.”

They drove with comfortable conversation until they drove past the Derry Public Library and Richie swerved off the empty street and into the library parking lot. 

“Rich! What the hell!” Eddie screeched, following blindly as Richie climbed out of the car and ran towards the door. 

“Tell me you don’t recognize that car,” Richie challenged as they rand for the library entrance, both looking at the car that was parked halfway up the curb and onto the lawn outside the building. 

“Fuck,” Eddie swore, speeding up his pace to actually beat Richie to the door. “I can’t believe it’s been twenty-seven years and we still have to deal with fucking Bowers.”

“Yeah seriously,” Richie chuckled. “Fuck that guy.”

Eddie snorted, both men whispering as they crept through the darkened building towards the main room. “Understatement of the last three centuries, but sure.”

“God, I fucking love you.”

A loud crashing sound followed by shattering glass made them both jump as they quickly and quietly moved towards it. Eddie grabbed an empty beer bottle that had been abandoned on a desk to arm himself as he Richie grabbed a stapler from the reception desk, which was admittedly ridiculous, but better than nothing, he figured. As they walked towards the bookshelves, they heard a loud grunt and Eddie immediately looked up at his counterpart to find that they both knew exactly who that was. 

“I’ll get Mike. Find something better than a goddamn stapler to protect yourself and get Bowers. We’ll back you up once I make sure he’s okay,” Eddie instructed, always one for plans. Richie nodded quickly before jogging off in the opposite direction that Eddie headed for.

Mike ended up being on the ground, his back in a pile of splintering wood and shattered glass and Eddie shivered when he felt the glass cracking under his footsteps. The other man’s gaze snapped up when he heard Eddie coming, but visibly relaxed when he saw it was his friend and not Henry Bowers. 

“Eddie, thank god,” Mike breathed, a relieved smile on his face as he tried to sit upright as Eddie kneeled down carefully beside him. 

He made quick work of checking over his friend, gently plucking out as many of the glass pieces on his arms and back as he could. One particularly lengthy gash on his forearm nearly made Eddie pass out, but he didn’t hesitate to pull his cardigan off and wrap it around Mike’s arm to stop the bleeding. 

“Did Henry do this?” Eddie asked hesitantly, not really wanting to hear the answer. Mike nodded with a hiss as Eddie put pressure on his arm again. “We saw his car outside.”

“Richie’s here?” Mike asked as quietly as he could. Eddie nodded. “He went after Bowers. Did you happen to see where he went?”  
Mike sighed, groaning as he stood up shakily, bracing himself on a nearby desk. 

“He had a knife. Basically we got into it in here and I lunged out of the way, but he caught my arm enough to give me this bad boy,” he chuckled humorlessly, gesturing to Eddie’s cardigan around his arm. “I stumbled into the display case and when I looked up, he was gone. He might’ve heard you guys come in.”

Eddie gulped, trying as hard as he could to shake off the panic that blossomed in the pit of his stomach. “Then let’s get him, Mikey.”

Mike beamed at his friend, proud that seemingly over the years he’d lost some of the fear that had held him back as a child. The two, led by Eddie, headed in the direction Richie had gone until they ended up in the lobby, Eddie holding an arm out to stop Mike from walking forward as he saw Richie kneeling on the ground, grasping the arm of a bench to get himself up off the ground. 

“Rich, where is he?” Eddie whispered sharply, his brows furrowing as Richie immediately looked up to meet his eyes before they widened in terror and Eddie felt a sharp pain in his cheek. 

He couldn’t hear anything, but he could sure see Richie’s face contorting as the man screamed, Mike rushing to his side to help him off the ground as Eddie turned to see Henry Bowers a mere foot from his side and a maniacal smile on his face. He was shaking, not wanting to speak when he could still feel the blade between his teeth, but he backed away slowly, bracing himself with his arms on the table behind him. 

Mike lunged at Henry, Richie rushing to Eddie’s side as he cradled his husband’s unharmed cheek in his palm, stroking it gently in an attempt to distract him from the pain on the other side of his face. 

“You’re gonna’ be okay,” Richie whispered shakily, as if assuring himself rather than Eddie. “Just don’t move. It’s gonna’ be okay.”

Richie lunged at Henry, he and Mike on opposite sides of the man both swinging and kicking strategically in contrast to Henry’s wild knife-flailing. Eddie watched on for a moment per Richie’s instruction, but the moment Henry’s knife found its way into Mike’s shoulder, he knew he couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. Mike was down and out, clutching his shoulder as he tried to move his arm enough to staunch the bleeding. Richie and Henry went down next, the psychotic man on top of his husband, pinning him down as he held both hands around Richie’s throat, choking him mercilessly. 

Eddie felt like he could throw up, even though he’d never done so in his life, but he reached up and pulled the knife out of his own face before he could warn himself about all the dangers of doing so. 

He’d rather lose a chunk of his face than his husband anyway.

Eddie positioned himself behind the man’s back, the knife in his shaking hand, and just as he was about to hesitate, he heard Henry mutter four words to the love of his life that brought back a whole slew of memories that he was sure Richie had already remembered. 

_ “Choke on this, faggot.” _

And Eddie swung. 

The knife lodged in Henry’s neck, blood spewing all over his hands and even on Richie’s shirt below him as the man collapsed and turned around with his last bit of strength, looking up at Eddie.

For once in his life, for just a moment, Eddie wasn’t afraid of anything. He was covered in another man’s blood, a giant stab wound in his face, his friend across the room bleeding out, and his husband was currently gasping for air on the ground, but he felt invincible. 

“Don’t fucking touch my husband, _you_ _mullet wearing asshole_,” he hissed as Henry sputtered for breath before ultimately collapsing dead on the ground. 

He just stood there shaking as the fear came flooding back to him in a tsunami wave. His knees felt weak and he was sure he was about to pass out before he felt something, or rather someone, crash into his chest and lift his feet slightly off the ground. His muscles seemed to recognize the familiarity before his brain did and he melted into the embrace. 

“_ Richie,” _Eddie whimpered, tears welling in his eyes as his voice cracked. He gripped onto Richie’s hair so tightly he was probably hurting the other man, but neither of them seemed to care enough to stop. 

“I’m okay,” Richie spoke into his ear, his voice hoarse. “I’m okay, baby. Everybody’s okay, thanks to you.”

Eddie pulled back slightly just to look Richie up and down to be sure he was okay. His fingers gingerly grazed the other’s neck with watering eyes. 

“He hurt you,” Eddie mumbled, trying not to speak too much as more blood leaked from his lips. Richie was quick to pull of his overshirt and clean it off.

“Speak for yourself, idiot,” he teased, a budding grin on his face as he quickly brushed away the tears on his own cheeks. “Fuck, Eds.” He laughed dopily, leaning his forehead against Eddie’s and cradling his face in his hands. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

And Eddie grinned so wide that blood gushed out of his cheek and Richie snapped out of the moment. 

“Oh my god, right. You got stabbed in the fucking face,” Richie panicked, breaking out of Eddie’s embrace and looking frantically around the room. “Mike! Oh fuck, okay. Eds, check on his arm. I’ve got all your first aid shit in the car, I’ll just go get it and call the others to get their asses over here.”

Richie literally ran out of the building, Eddie quickly rushing to Mike’s side despite his lightheadedness. He tried to ignore the taste of blood in his mouth by talking.

“Sorry you had to see that,” he joked awkwardly, satisfied with the pained chuckle that Mike followed with. “We usually don’t have to worry about having an audience back home.”

“Don’t you guys get harassed by paparazzi and fans all the time?” Mike asked as they waited for Richie to return with the bandages and Eddie slowly undid his makeshift tourniquet, laughing softly. 

“Well actually,” he laughed some more, a fond smile on his face. “Rich has this thing where he likes to spell out hidden messages whenever the paps catch us out of the apartment, which isn’t often to be honest. He taught himself the ASL alphabet one night when we were drunk and bored and every time we get harassed for pictures, he’ll hold up a letter in one hand. It took me almost a year to notice after he started doing it. He actually went on Ellen and did a whole segment about it like two years ago.” Mike was openly laughing and once again, Eddie was reminded of the fact that he wasn’t actually the only person in the world that thought Richie was the funniest fucking person on Earth. Obviously he never told Richie that, but he knew. Nobody laughed like Eddie. “It’s better than how he used to pose for paparazzi photos, I’ll give him that.” Mike snorted. “Whatever you do, don’t look up any pictures from the 2009 Comedy Awards afterparty. You’ll wish you were blind.”

Just as Mike was recounting his first and only viewing of Richie’s painful old Comedy Central special before coming out and writing his own material, the man himself came running back inside with three first aid kits and all of the other losers. 

Beverly immediately screamed upon seeing Henry’s dead body, which Eddie and Mike had honest-to-god forgotten about entirely.

“Holy shit,” Ben swore, rushing to Richie’s side to help as he began digging through the first aid kits. “What the hell happened?”

Bill caught a bottle of some sort of antiseptic solution and some gauze pads that Ben tossed to him and went to work cleaning up Mike’s shoulder as Ben took his arm and Richie started on Eddie’s cheek. Beverly ultimately resumed Eddie’s previous job of picking all of the tiny shards of glass from where Mike had fallen into the display case earlier. 

Nobody wanted to bring up the fact that they would be heading for the sewers as soon as they were done, but it was clear that they all understood. According to what Richie whispered to him whilst the others were busy helping Mike, they had all been on their way already after Bill had freaked out about needing to go kill Pennywise himself, but thankfully Ben and Beverly had talked him into taking the others with them before he left on his own. 

Still, there was only so much disinfecting and bandaging that they could do before they had surpassed even Eddie’s standards and they knew they had to leave. 

They split up; Ben and Beverly taking the car they had driven to the library, Richie and Eddie taking Richie’s rental car, and Bill and Mike taking the latter’s car, which was already parked outside. None of them spoke the entire drive to the Neibolt Street house. 

Bill was the first one up the decrepit steps, as he always was, the rest of the group following obediently behind. 

It was almost surreal standing out in that yard, nearly a mirror of their time there as kids. Bill started speaking and Richie was pretty sure every word went in one ear and out the other, but he couldn’t stop looking at Beverly. 

She looked like shit compared to usual, which was still significantly better than how he looked on a daily basis, but she looked terrified. He could tell she was itching for a cigarette and he totally would’ve taken her up on her offer if she’d wanted to just postpone the whole ‘fighting a demon clown’ thing for a half hour or so, but realistically she was far too loyal for that. Still, her eyes were bloodshot and unfocused, her lip was currently being chewed by her teeth, and her hands looked like they were ready to rip the sleeves right off her jacket, but she didn’t move. 

At some point, he heard Bill say his name and he had no clue what was going on. 

“I think R-R-Richie said it best l-last time,” Bill stuttered, capturing Richie’s attention as the man wracked his brain to come up with something that could potentially fit whatever Bill had been talking about. 

“I don’t wanna’ die?” He suggested, hoping it was general enough that it could apply to virtually anything they were doing. 

Bill chuckled along with a few other members of the group, but shook his head. 

“You’re lucky we’re not measuring dicks?” 

Eddie snorted beside him and he felt his subconscious relax. 

“Rich,” Bill laughed, clearly regretting his choice of letting his friend guess through his old anecdotes. 

“Let’s kill this fucking clown?” He suggested, feeling a tightness in his chest as the words filled the atmosphere around them. Bill smiled proudly at the man, hoping to ease some of the terror behind his eyes, but he couldn’t tell if it helped at all.

They crept through the old house slowly, flashlights darting around each room. Richie’s eyes darted to the stairs as he heard the familiar burning of that mysterious black liquid that had pushed him and Bill into the three doors when Pennywise had appeared to him as Eddie for the first time. It dripped down the stairs almost as if it had been free-flowing for the past twenty-seven years and had just now broken through to the second floor. He made some one-liner about the choice of decor just to ease everyone’s anxiety, but as if she could tell he needed a little ease too, Beverly fired a ‘beep beep Richie’ back at him. 

They split up to cover the first floor; Bill, Richie, and Eddie heading for the kitchen and Ben, Beverly, and Mike heading for the parlor room. 

Richie was mad. Not because the refrigerator had his best friend’s childlike corpse inside it, but because he felt sick at the idea of Stan’s memory being replaced by that horrific monster. It was bad enough that they never got to see him again. It was worse that now Pennywise was using his decapitated fucking head to terrorize them. 

They kicked around Stan’s spider head for a while, all of them getting in a few good hits before it scuttled up the wall and into the rafters. He looked around the room for a few seconds before ultimately coming to the conclusion that it had disappeared. It wasn’t until he noticed Eddie in the corner looking like he was about to have a panic attack that Richie forgot about Stan’s spider head entirely. 

“Eddie!” He called out subconsciously, crossing the room in an instant.

Eddie was breathing frantically and Richie’s hands immediately found their way to Eddie’s holding them over his own heart to get Eddie to calm down. 

They were blissfully ignorant until Bill spoke up and all hell broke loose. 

“Guys, there’s-”

And Richie looked up, swearing on instinct as he spotted the spider Stan head in the rafters right above him. 

“Fuck.”

Spider Stan dropped right onto his face, gripping onto him by his hair as Richie screamed, hitting the abomination with everything he had. Bill quickly jumped in to help him, gripping the head with his bare hands and trying to pry it off Richie’s face himself, but to no avail. Ultimately, Richie ended up on the ground staring straight up at the horrific visage of his late best friend with no clear way to escape. 

He just wanted Eddie.

He felt himself shaking and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he tuned in to the sounds around him that he had previously been blocking out from pure fear. 

Bill was yelling at Eddie to help him and, from what it sounded like, Eddie wasn’t moving from wherever he was. 

If Eddie had a panic attack because of him, Richie was literally going to murder Bill.

At some point, he heard the sound of a knife piercing through the spider Stan head and he was free. Once the head was stabbed enough times that it was deemed “dead enough” for their standards, Richie was able to see that it was Ben who had saved him, which was odd considering he didn’t even know where the other man had come from. He wasn’t quite sure how long the thing had been on his face, but apparently Ben, Beverly, and Mike had dealt with their shit must faster than their group had. Honestly, not surprising.

He slowly picked himself up off the ground, groaning as his back gave him fits, but the others grabbed his arms to help him up. Still, it wasn’t fast enough because just as it was all over, Bill seemed to remember their friend cowering in the corner and started yelling before the others even realized what was going on. 

“Eddie what f-fuck man!” Bill yelled, not an ounce of understanding in his voice. Richie felt his blood boil. “F-first Georgie’s dead, S-Stan’s dead, t-the kid’s dead, y-y-you want R-Richie too?”

Richie was on his feet in an instant staggering across the room. “You want R-R-Richie too?!”

Richie grabbed the shorter man by the shoulders, literally yanking him off of Eddie and as far away from him as he could. He stumbled a little, bracing himself on the wall as Eddie immediately wrapped himself around Richie’s arm from behind. 

“Don’t you fucking _ dare _ , Denbrough,” Richie spat, his voice low as if challenging Bill to say another word. “Don’t you _ dare _ speak to him like that.”

Bill looked between the two, first to Eddie’s sobbing face and then to Richie’s furious one, before realizing what he had done and electing to leave them alone. 

“I’m sorry, Bill,” Eddie spoke up, the man in question stopping and turning back to look at him. Richie wouldn’t even turn away from Eddie. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I was just scared.”

Bill said nothing for a moment, making sure he said the right thing. 

“Yeah, well that’s what it wants, right? That’s what all this is for anyway,” he spoke guiltily, heading over to where Ben, Beverly, and Mike were waiting. “Don’t let It get what It wants.”

Richie held Eddie’s head to his chest, running his fingers through his hair as Eddie continued mumbling apologies into his chest. 

There was just something about that fucking house that brought out the worst in all of them and maybe it was It, but he was fairly certain those feelings were all just bound come out eventually. Bill just seemed to be more susceptible than the rest of them. 

Still, when they finally headed down to the well in the basement, Richie couldn’t stop himself from holding Eddie tighter than usual. 

Mike went down the well first, Beverly following close behind as they all made their way through the sewer system they all knew too well. They all had flashlights, but Richie refused to stop teasing Eddie about his headlamp.

“You’re the one that bought it, asshole,” Eddie fired back, undoubtedly annoying all of their friends with their bickering. 

“What? No I didn’t!”

“Yeah you did! When we went camping for the 4th of July like five years ago! We were shopping for tents and you said it was essential just in case you happened to be showering and the power went out because you knew that would convince me to buy it!”

Richie couldn’t help but laugh as he flicked the headlight, Eddie sighing and rolling his eyes. 

When they reached the cistern where they had first fought Pennywise back in 1989, the water was up to their chests and the giant pile of missing kids’ belongings was long gone. Just as most of them had all waded through the water and were waiting on the bank in the center of the cave, Beverly stopped for a moment before being dragged underwater. Everyone but Eddie didn’t hesitate to dive after her, including Richie, who had been increasingly reckless, much to Eddie’s chagrin. Thankfully, they were all okay in less than a minute, but _ god _it had been the longest minute of Eddie’s life.

The giant pile of the missing children’s belongings was gone, swept away over the course of years worth of rainfall, but in its place was a round, wooden door with a strange symbol carved into the center of it. When they opened it to reveal a long tunnel into darkness, nobody particularly wanted to go in, but Mike didn’t hesitate for even a second. One by one, they all climbed down into the tunnel until only Richie, Eddie, and Beverly were left. 

“Guys, I don’t think I can do this,” Eddie spoke up quietly, almost too faint to hear if Richie wasn’t standing right next to him. 

Richie looked his husband in the eyes, lingering for a moment as if waiting to see if Eddie was being serious or not. Once he deemed that Eddie was in fact serious and also terrified, he gestured for Beverly to go ahead down the tunnel and grabbed both of Eddie’s hands. 

“Eds, listen to me,” Richie spoke gently, Eddie’s hands shaking in his own. “Who killed a psychotic clown before he was fourteen?”

Eddie paused for a moment. 

“Me.”

“Who killed Bowers with a knife he pulled out of his own face?”

Eddie grimaced a little bit. 

“Also me.”

“Who married the biggest asshole on the face of the Earth?”

“You,” he teased, to which Richie snorted with a fond eyeroll. “Okay, fine. Me.”

Richie beamed. 

“But I love that asshole.”

“Eds, you’re so much braver than you think,” Richie spoke softly, kissing his forehead. “Bravest man I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks, Rich,” Eddie blushed, taking a deep breath before turning to the tunnel. 

“Here, Eddie, take this,” Beverly spoke up before Eddie climbed into the tunnel, handing him the fire poker that she had been carrying around since they first headed to the basement. “It kills monsters.”

Eddie stared at it quizzically, having not been present when she’d used it to save Ben.

“It does?” He asked shyly. 

Beverly smiled at him, squeezing his shoulder.

“If you believe it does.”

With that, Eddie gripped the cold metal tightly and descended into the darkness below them. 

Once they all made their way down the tunnel and through the caverns that followed, they were met with a massive empty cave. It seemed impossible to think that all of it was all underneath Derry the whole time, but none of them wanted to think about the implications of the whole town resting above them. 

“This is it,” Beverly spoke up, her voice echoing faintly around the massive space. “This is where we were when I saw us.”

The question of what she was referring to went unasked, but nobody seemed as horrified by it as Richie. Beverly, as if on cue, looked back at him with pity in her eyes and Richie didn’t hesitate to pull Eddie even closer to him as they walked. 

Mike led them all up into the middle of what looked like a giant crater, all of them forming a circle as Mike placed his artifact thing in the center of the group. He poured some gasoline into the opening, lighting a match and tossing it inside as the flame erupted. He narrated through the workings of the ritual, explaining everything they probably needed to know, but Richie just held onto Eddie’s hand as tightly as he could, rubbing the wedding band on the other man’s finger. When it was seemingly time for them to burn their artifacts, Richie had to let go of Eddie’s hand, but he made sure that they stood next to each other as close as possible. 

He didn’t need to say anything for Beverly to know he was watching and waiting to have to put himself in Eddie’s place. She didn’t even bother trying to fight him on it. She understood. 

Bill burned the boat he’d made with Georgie the day he’d gone missing. 

Beverly burned the poem Ben had written for her. 

Ben burned the page of his yearbook that only Beverly had signed, to which the woman in question looked incredibly surprised, almost as if she didn’t realize how obvious it was that Ben had been in love with her ever since they’d met. 

When it came to their turns, Eddie went first, tossing his inhaler into the flames as Richie watched on proudly. 

Richie swallowed deeply before taking his turn. 

“This is a token from the Capitol Theater,” he spoke, a small smile on his face as he glanced quickly at Eddie beside him. “Where I had the worst first date _ ever _.”

Eddie laughed at that along with the others before knocking his elbow into his husband’s side. 

“You brought an actual token?” He asked incredulously. 

Richie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s what you’re supposed to do, dude.”

“Don’t call me ‘dude’, we’re married,” Eddie sighed, their friends all laughing along with them. 

Mike followed, tossing in the rock that still held Henry Bowers’ blood from the day they’d all come together. 

Just as Mike was about to begin the next stage of the ritual, Bill spoke up, grabbing something from his pocket. 

“Can’t forget about Stan,” he said guiltily, tossing in the shower cap. Mike smiled at him before instructing everyone to grab hands, forming a circle as the ceiling began to open. He screamed at them not to look up at it before beginning some sort of chant. 

“_ Turn light into dark!” _Mike yelled a few times on his own before everyone else joined in. 

The force of the deadlights was much more intense than three lights should’ve realistically been. 

_ “Turn light into dark!” _They chorused.

It was like something was trying to pull their hands apart. 

_ “Turn light into dark!” _

Richie almost lost hold of Mike’s hand at one point, but never Eddie’s. 

_ “Turn light into dark!” _

They were all screaming bloody murder and he was more than ready for it to be fucking over already. 

_ “Turn light into dark!” _

Mike seemed to sense that they were near the end as he broke out of the circle and tried to force the lid onto the artifact. 

They all opened their eyes as Mike tried to force the lid on shut, but something seemed to be blocking it. They waited with bated breath until Mike was shoved back by a giant red balloon growing out of the artifact. 

Pennywise. 

They all spread out as the balloon continued to grow rapidly, even having to climb out of the crater as the balloon seemed to show no signs of stopping. Richie shoved Eddie behind his body and held his breath. 

With a booming ‘pop’ the balloon was replaced by the demon clown itself, now about the size of a house. And a spider crab thing. 

The moment it raised one of its claws, Richie paled, knowing exactly what was supposed to happen. 

That _ thing _ was supposed to end up in the middle of Eddie’s chest and he felt like he might pass out just thinking about it. Somewhere around the cave, he was sure Beverly had noticed the same thing, but before he could find her and confirm it, Eddie was pulling him away and towards a smaller tunnel for cover. 

Just as they thought they were finally safe, some fucking _ disgusting _ (by Eddie’s commentary) floating snake monster chased them down a long tunnel before they could even be bothered to get a good look at whatever they were running from. 

As if once as a kid wasn’t bad enough, Richie was once again faced with the three doors he and Bill had been taunted with at the Neibolt Street house as kids. 

‘NOT SCARY AT ALL’.

‘SCARY’.

And ‘VERY SCARY’. 

“Not these fucking doors again,” Richie groaned, making sure Eddie was far enough out of reach of the tentacle monster thing. 

“Again?!” Eddie asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, just ask Bill. Listen, we tried the ‘NOT SCARY’ door the first time, I say we go for ‘VERY SCARY’.”

“What the fuck?! Richie, no way!”

“Well, I don’t know what else to do because the ‘NOT SCARY AT ALL’ door was pretty fucking scary too!”

Eddie looked back and forth between his husband and the doors before sliding his hand around Richie’s bicep and wishing he had his inhaler. 

“Okay,” he spoke, surprising both himself and the other. “Let’s do it. I trust you.”

Richie didn’t smile or even say anything, but he led them both to the ‘VERY SCARY’ door. Both men were shaking when Richie ultimately grabbed the handle and opened the door. 

Unsurprisingly, the door was not their way out.

Surprisingly though, there seemed to be barely more than a closet in front of them. 

“Seriously?” Eddie wondered out loud, both chuckling slightly before they looked down. 

“Holy shit,” Richie said, actually getting a bit scared. “It looks just like Penny.”

He immediately balked at the sight of the dog they’d adopted when they were in college. It had been over a decade since they’d had her and it was hard to tell whether it actually looked like their late dog or just the same breed, but there was no reason for Pennywise to appear as any other pomeranian. 

“Oh my god, did we subconsciously name our old dog after the demon clown that gave is PTSD?” Eddie realized in horror as they both stared at the dog as if waiting for it to confirm their realization. 

“I mean, it was a cute name.”  
“We fucking named our dog after the clown that tried to kill us as kids, Rich!”

“That’s pretty fucking funny though, babe,” Richie laughed, both completely ignoring the dog itself. “Just wait ‘till the others hear about that one-”

Just as Eddie was about to pretend he wasn’t laughing himself, the dog transformed into some horrible amalgamation of a dog and a decaying corpse that stood almost as tall as he was. They both screamed and clung to each other as Richie kicked the door shut and they turned to see that whatever tentacle monster Pennywise had sent after them had since disappeared. Richie quickly grabbed Eddie’s hand and the two took off running back to where their friends had been. Since the tunnel was made out of rock, Eddie got unlucky and stumbled on a few loose stones and sent his flashlight tumbling to the ground. Richie stopped as soon as Eddie did, but Eddie quickly told Richie to go on and check to see that their friends would be okay and that he would be right behind him. His husband listened and jogged off down the tunnel and out of Eddie’s view as the smaller man picked up his flashlight and tucked it away into his pocket before jogging out after Richie merely a minute later. 

He felt like he was about to have an asthma attack the moment he saw what was happening. 

To his right he could hear yelling from Mike, Ben, and Beverly. He told himself Bill was probably somewhere over there as well, but he didn’t have time to worry about the possibility that he wasn’t.

No, what he was _ really _ worried about was the fact that his husband was floating a few dozen feet in the air as the deadlights held him captive. 

His stomach churned at the sight and he felt his grip subconsciously tighten around the fire poker in his hand that he’d forgotten about all that time. It seemed so obvious, yet he knew exactly what was about to happen. 

He had two options. 

He could save his husband. The love of his life. He could save Richie and maybe even do it well enough to hurt It.

Or he could stay safely hidden within the tunnel, wait for everything to be over, and then escape without Richie and likely without any of the others either. 

And he definitely wasn’t leaving his fucking husband to die. 

He wasn’t sure what possessed him in that moment, but he gripped the fire poker in his hand and threw it like a javelin straight into the deadlights. 

_ “Beep beep motherfucker!” _

He was sure that Richie would’ve laughed at that if he’d heard it.

As the metal rod lodged itself in the throat of the massive spider-crab-clown’s mouth, Richie immediately dropped and Eddie took off towards him. He slid across the ground, likely tearing holes in the knees of his jeans and no-doubt infecting whatever scrapes he received, but for once in his life that was the least of his worries. All that mattered to him in that moment was making sure that Richie was okay.

His hands flew to his husband’s face as he frantically tried to rouse him, shaking the man’s head slightly as his eyes shifted back from milky white to the light brown color he knew and loved. 

“Rich? Rich, baby, can you hear me?” He spoke anxiously, his eyes flitting across Richie’s face until he was coherent enough to make eye contact. Eddie barely even noticed as his eyes began to water with relief. 

“Eds?” Richie whispered, his eyes filling with fear and confusion as if he’d just had some sort of realization. 

Eddie knew that look. 

The same look he had on his face when they first fought It together as kids. 

The same look he had whenever Eddie’s mom would come pick him up early from their sleepovers and take him away. 

The same look he got whenever Bowers and his gang so much as laid a finger on his best friend. 

That look only meant one thing. 

The “_ I love you and I don’t want anything to take you away from me _” look.

So Eddie kissed hi. 

He kissed him like it was their first one back at the quarry in the summer of 1989. Full of fear with their clothes dripping wet with sewer drainage instead of the refreshing teal green waters of the quarry. He could feel Richie’s hands shaking as they wrapped around his back, almost as if trying to cover him up. 

Eddie held Richie’s shoulders down the moment he felt him try to push Eddie off him and out of the way. He could already feel the rush of air behind him. 

_ Shot through the heart! And you’re to blame, darling- _

He could remember it like it was yesterday, dancing with his boyfriend under the bleachers of their high school gymnasium at junior prom. Richie was lip-syncing the words to every song they played as the pair danced, trying not to make a sound and give away their hiding spot. 

Maybe Richie would laugh if he knew that Eddie’s first thought after being impaled was a Bon Jovi song. 

“_ Eddie- _” Richie screamed, his voice breaking so harshly he couldn’t even force himself to speak. 

“Rich…” Eddie mumbled, his head spinning as the initial shock began to wear off. “Richie…”

There was ringing in his ears and his mouth felt like it was full of cotton, but he could hear one thing and one thing only. 

“Eds? Eddie, please. _ Please- _” Richie begged, their faces still so close that Eddie tried to just kiss him one last time, but he couldn’t find the strength to move his arms enough to pull Richie up to meet him. 

“I’m sorry,” he spoke so subconsciously he wasn’t even sure if he’d actually spoken at all or if it was all in his head. 

Maybe this was all in his head. 

Maybe this was all some cruel joke to spare him some semblance of happiness before he bites the dust once and for all. 

Maybe he did grow up and live the shitty life Henry Bowers, and his mother, and everyone else in that god-forsaken town always said he would live. 

Maybe he really did grow up and have to marry a woman he didn’t love. Maybe he really didn’t see any of his friends after he went off to college. Maybe he forgot about the only person he’s ever truly loved. Maybe he would’ve died without telling him how he felt. 

Maybe Eddie Kaspbrak lived a lie and died before he could tell the truth. 

Maybe everything that came after the summer of 1989 was all a dream. 

Maybe it wasn’t real. 

He would have no way to prove that it was. 

But nothing made it feel more real than hearing Richie screaming his name as he flew through the air of that cavern before freefalling towards the ground. His back hit the ground hard, the momentum of being swung around so violently sending him rolling away into a small cave away from Pennywise’s reach. He exhaled at the shouts from his friends echoing for them all to hurry up. 

His friends were coming. 

Richie was coming. 

It was going to be okay. 

“Eddie, c-can you hear m-m-me?”

Bill.

He smiled a little. 

That was his first friend. Alive. Safe.

Even after all those years, he still looked at Big Bill like that gap-toothed, stuttering ginger that helped him clean up his mess when he’d had a meltdown on the first day of preschool after spilling his new box of crayons when one of the mean older kindergarten kids unzipped his backpack and tripped him.

“Bill?” He tried to speak, still unsure if he was even speaking loud enough for anyone to hear him. He took a few deep breaths until he was able to crane his neck to see the man at his side, guiding him to lean up against a large enough rock. 

His eyes looked watery and terrified.

Eddie wondered if there was a time he’d ever seen Bill without sadness behind his eyes. He was sure it had to have been at least decades. Maybe never. 

“Hey buddy,” Bill laughed with little humor, but a relieved smile that the man had actually responded. “Just h-h-hang in there, we’re a-all c-c-coming.”

He gripped Eddie’s shoulder with such gentle tenderness that Eddie, for a brief moment, would’ve been content to die right then.

Until he abruptly realized that he wasn’t. 

_ “Eddie!” _Richie’s voice screamed as he practically dove into the cavern, stumbling and scrambling across the floor to get to his husband, who at that point, had been joined by Mike and Beverly as Ben stayed at Richie’s side, stopping him from faceplanting in his rush. 

As he dropped to his knees in front of Eddie, the space the others had silently agreed to leave for Richie, there were tears welling in his eyes, but not down his cheeks yet. Eddie was incredibly grateful for that. If Richie was still okay, he would be okay too. He just had to keep believing it until it was true. 

“Rich?” He croaked, looking up to meet his husband’s eyes. He could feel more blood trickle down his chin and drip onto his shirt as he spoke. Richie didn’t hesitate to remove his jacket and use it to staunch the wound in his chest after gently wiping away the blood on his chin. 

Richie’s hands cradled his face with such tenderness and care that he almost forgot where they were. 

He let out a watery laugh, more of a sob than anything else, but no more than a single tear from each eye escaped. 

“Hey there, Eds,” he said shakily, forcing an incredibly fake smile. “It’s gonna’ be okay, baby. I got you. You’re gonna’ be okay.”

Distantly, as if his ears were covered by earmuffs or headphones, he heard Beverly sobbing into Ben’s shoulder, and he was fairly certain that the thumping sound that followed was Mike kicking the wall in frustration, but he kept his minimal consciousness trained on Richie. 

“I almost got it,” he mumbled dazedly, his eyes slowly drifting back to Richie every time they absent-mindedly rolled. “I almost killed it.”

Richie’s second smile was heaps more genuine than the first. 

“Yeah,” he smiled softly, his thumb rubbing circles into Eddie’s cheek. “Yeah, you really did, Eds.”

“No,” he continued, a short cough making more blood spill out of his lips. “No, back at the pharmacy. The leper, I...I had my hands around it’s throat. I was squeezing and I could feel...I could feel it getting weaker.”

“That’s right,” Bill spoke up, his eyes darting around to everyone in the group as he connected the dots in his head. Richie didn’t pay attention. “It’s like that thing you showed me!” He pointed to Mike, getting the other man to realize what he was talking about. 

“All living things must abide by the shape they inhabit,” Mike explained, looking back at the mouth of the tunnel that they had all congregated into. “All we have to do is turn It into something we can kill!”

Just as they all began to formulate the plan, a massive rock crashed into the opening of the tunnel, sending smaller rocks and dirt cascading towards them as they all shouted with a start. 

“We gotta’ get out of here,” Ben affirmed, grabbing Beverly’s hand and helping her off the ground before extending one to Bill as well. “There’s a side tunnel just over there.” He pointed out.

The others began to head out one by one down the tunnel, but Ben stayed back for just a moment to see if Richie needed any help.

“You sure you got him, man?” Ben asked softly as Eddie grasped tiredly at Richie’s arms, standing on shaky legs. 

Richie met his gaze with bloodshot, terrified eyes as he held onto Eddie like a vice. 

“We shouldn’t risk it,” he mumbled, sliding a hand around Eddie’s back to support his waist from behind. “The closer together we are, the bigger the target.”

Ben hummed softly, placing one of his hands on Richie’s shoulder. 

“Rich, let me help you guys,” he pleaded, so much love and adoration in his eyes. “If Pennywise goes after us and I get hurt in the process, so what. It’ll be faster with all three of us and if there’s any pair that deserves to make it out of this together…” he paused, a faint blush tainting his cheeks as he smiled sadly to himself. “It’s definitely the two of you. Now come on, I know we’re all losers, but after this I’m teaching you to benchpress, Rich.”

The trio hobbled down the tunnel with minimal difficulty as Eddie tried his best not to pass out. Ultimately, they reached the opening where Bill, Mike, and Beverly had already gathered around Pennywise and seemed to be having some sort of...civil conversation. Ben assured Richie and Eddie that they would try to handle things on their own for as long as possible before joining the others. Richie gently eased Eddie over to a small alcove that was blocked from view and the two were finally alone. Or, as alone as they were going to get. 

“Eddie, I’m so sorry-” Richie cried softly as he replaced his jacket against the gaping hole in his husband’s torso.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie interrupted with a sly smile, his head lolling to the side a little, but he was instantly grateful when Richie moved to cup his face in his hands instead. 

Richie laughed a little and Eddie was relieved to be able to tell it was undoubtedly genuine. The kind of smile they used to save just for each other when they were kids. 

“Oh, is the truth coming out now, Eds?” Richie chuckled, his eyes watering.

“Shut up, you always knew,” Eddie fired back, a tired smirk barely showing across his face. 

“Yeah, I did.”  
There were screams echoing off the walls as the two men paused their conversation to take notice of what their friends were doing. The other four seemed to be standing in a line before the clown creature, yelling insults and obscenities at it, to which Richie snorted a laugh and the ridiculousness of it all. They kept calling it a clown, along with other things, but he just couldn’t believe how easily they’d been able to hurt it with nothing but words when Eddie had been hurt so badly for trying. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

“I’m gonna’ say something,” Richie spoke, Eddie sighing shakily as his hands wrapped around Richie’s, still pressing his jacket into Eddie’s wound. 

“Babe, I swear to god,” Eddie rolled his eyes. 

Richie just kissed his bloody lips and rose up onto his knees for a moment. 

“_ You’re just a motherfucking clown!” _

He sank back down beside Eddie, leaning into his side as he kissed the smaller man’s forehead and continued to rub circles into his palm. 

“Rich,” Eddie barely whispered, his eyes hazy and unfocused as Richie looked over at him. “Rich, you have to go help them.”  
Richie shook his head adamantly, choking down a sob as he held tightly to his husband’s hands. 

“No, _ no _. I’m not leaving you. They’ll be fine without me, I need to be here,” he insisted, his voice cracking with almost every word. 

Eddie just smiled painfully, his teeth stained red and gently tugged for Richie to come closer. The other pressed their foreheads together and tried to hold himself together for Eddie’s sake. 

“I’ll be right here when you get back, Trashmouth. Go kill that son of a bitch for me,” he whispered, a sad smile lingering.

Richie cried for a moment his hands shaking around Eddie’s before he head a scream over his shoulder and knew that Eddie was right. 

“I’ll be back before you know it, Spaghetti Man,” Richie choked out. “I love you. Always.”

Eddie kissed Richie’s forehead gently. 

“I’ll love you forever.”

That seemed to break him as Richie’s knees gave out and he sank to the ground again, burying his face in his hands and gripping at his hair as he mumbled over and over again to himself, “I can’t do it.”

“Richie,” Eddie breathed, wishing he had the strength to reach out to his husband. 

“Don’t leave me, Eds,” Richie pleaded, moving forward to cradle Eddie’s face in his hands. “Please, I can’t-” He choked on a sob. “I can’t lose you.”

Eddie leaned his head into Richie’s hands, kissing his palm with what little strength he had left. 

“I guess you’d better hurry back then,” Eddie smiled softly. “Don’t keep me waiting, Trashmouth.”

Richie kissed him once more before reluctantly pulling away and joining the others before he could stop himself from leaving.

Eddie watched him go with an ache in his heart for what he could already tell Richie would have to come back to. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s jacket and held it tightly to his chest. He tried to remember anything other than what was happening right then, but he couldn’t stop looking at his friends. They were screaming and yelling and Pennywise was dying, he could tell. 

They were winning. 

It was all going to be over. 

Twenty-seven years of pain and fear and longing and it was all coming to an end. 

He felt tears brimming in his eyes as he watched them all come close together, standing strong as a family for the first time in decades. He missed them already. 

Sitting there watching them, he felt a deeper pain than anything physical. 

He’d never get to see Bill’s newest movie. He’d never get to meet his and Audra’s first child that he knew his friend would undoubtedly name after Georgie. He’d never get the pleasure of living in Los Angeles together and spending time together as often as they could. He’d never get to thank Bill for being the closest thing to a big brother that he’d ever had. 

He’d never be able to lecture Mike about all of the diseases he could catch on his inevitable journey around the world. He’d never see a ‘wish you were here’ postcard come in the mail and hang it up on their refrigerator. He’d never get to thank him for bringing them all back together again, no matter what the cost ended up being. 

He’d never know if Ben ever told Beverly it was him who wrote the poem she’d loved so much. He’d never be able to ask him for a hug and a good book to read whenever he’d be stuck at home sick like they’d done as kids. He’d never be able to see them live happily ever after the way he’d wanted to. They deserved it without a doubt, he just wanted to see his friend so happy. 

He’d never get a chance to see Beverly be truly happy. He’d never see her free from all of the pain her father and husband conditioned into her. He’d never get to see her break free from the trauma they’d both been shackled with all their lives. 

Maybe he’d see Stanley again. He liked to think that they would both end up in the same place, wherever that would be. Maybe he’d even get to see Georgie. He could tell them how much they were missed. How much they were loved. Maybe there would be birds wherever he would end up. He’d always wanted to go birdwatching with Stan. Maybe they could watch over Richie together. Maybe that was how he’d see the losers again.

God, he’d never see Richie again. 

He’d never see the love of his life hold their first child. He’d never see them buy a house in the suburbs of sunny California. He’d never see Richie teaching their child how to swim at the beach or ride a bike. He’d never see his husband win the Emmy he’d been nominated for earlier that month. He’d never accompany him as his date to Ben and Beverly’s wedding. He’d never get to be Bill’s first child’s godfather. He’d never get to reunite with Mike at one of the shows on Richie’s nationwide tour as they share stories of their travels around the world. 

He’d never see Richie smile again. 

He’d never see the way his eyes would light up whenever Eddie laughed at one of his stupid jokes. 

He’d never see the love in his eyes again.  
He’d never feel how gentle his hands were or how tightly his arms would hold him. 

He’d never kiss his lips.

He’d never be able to tell him he loved him again. 

He’d never see the love of his life again. 

He was about to lose Richie forever. 

_ God _, it hurt so fucking bad. 

They’d never grow old together and live the happily ever after they’d fought so hard for. 

They’d fucking _ earned it _. 

And now they’d never get it. 

At least he’d never have to watch Richie’s heart shatter when he came back and realized what had happened. 

He’d never have to watch Richie give up on holding himself together. 

He’d never have to watch the love of his life break so horribly that he’d never be the same again. 

Maybe that was selfish, but at least he could focus on the good things. 

Richie standing up for him against the endless brigade of bullies. 

Richie patiently waiting for him to methodically clean every toy they would play with together. 

Richie proudly proclaiming to his mother that he and Eddie were going to play ‘wedding’ and that one day they’d get married for real. 

Richie choosing Eddie’s safety over their friends, even if only temporarily. 

Richie kissing him for the first time the day before school started as they stood in the murky waters of the quarry. 

Richie telling him he loved him. That he’d _ always _ loved him.

Richie secretly taking him to prom. 

Richie taking him to carve their initials in the kissing bridge so that no matter what happened when they went off to college, they’d always have something to come back to.

Richie telling him he looked cute in his scrubs.

Richie asking Eddie to move in with him. 

Richie proposing on the balcony of their San Francisco apartment on the first night in years that it had been clear enough to see the stars. 

Richie who made him feel brave. 

Richie telling him he’d always love him. 

No matter what. 

In sickness and in health. 

As long as they both shall live…

and longer.

That was enough to make him smile as his eyes drifted shut.

\-----

It was surreal seeing Pennywise shrinking so small. By the time Richie joined the group, the clown was hardly any bigger than he was, but he still joined in with the chanting. Something about it was almost funny; calling the monster that tormented them for years as kids a clown. It was a fucking clown, after all. A clown that ruined all of their lives. 

A clown that traumatized his best friend so badly he killed himself. 

A clown that _ impaled _ his husband. 

Before he or anyone else could stop him, Richie grabbed one of It’s claw arms and ripped it right out of its socket. 

It was so small now. 

So harmlessly small. 

The five of them surrounded it as It lay shriveled on the ground, the only thing making It remotely recognizable being the same face that haunted all of their nightmares for years. Mike reached out towards the creature, his hand making a squelching noise as it slipped through the body of the clown and pulled back with Pennywise’s still-beating heart in his hand. 

“Everyone?” He queued, each of his friends all wrapping their hands around the heart as they all squeezed it together.

The clown whined as it died, none of the friends holding back until the heart was definitively crushed. 

“Look at you,” the clown’s ragged voice cooed in a manner that would’ve given them all chills if they had anything left to be afraid of. “You’re all grown up.”

A wave of understanding swept the group as they all understood just how much of their lives that curse had taken from them. Some more than others. 

Mike exhaled as he let the heart hit the ground and Pennywise’s body began to break apart, fading into nothing but dust. 

“Fuck,” Richie swore, his heart lurching as he tore himself away from the group. _ “Eddie!” _

The rest of the losers followed behind him as Richie ran, scrambling through the dark before he fell to his knees in front of where Eddie laid. 

He had tunnel vision. It was as if no one else was there but him and Eddie. Just like always. 

“Hey, Eds,” he choked, his heart beating in his skull as he reached out to grab one of Eddie’s hands. “Hey, baby, I’m back. It’s okay, we’re all here. We’re gonna’ get you out of here.”

Distantly, he could hear sobbing beside him, but he ignored it. He had to focus on Eddie. He had to save Eddie. 

“Guys, we gotta’ get him out of here, come on,” he instructed, glancing to the man beside him who had previously been so willing to help him. “Ben, help me lift him, we gotta’ go-”

“It’s-s n-n-no use, R-R-Rich,” Bill spoke, stuttering through his words more so than usual. “T-the whole p-p-place is c-c-coming d-down.”

Richie sobbed, his head bowing until his chin hit his collarbone. 

“We can still save him,” he pleaded, unable to find the courage to look away from his husband’s face. “_ Please _, we...we have to get him out of here-”

“Richie, please,” Beverly spoke up behind him, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently. 

Richie forced himself to turn towards her, his eyes bloodshot and watery.

Her heart broke all over again just looking at him. 

It was bad enough to lose Eddie. 

It was worse than any pain she had ever felt to watch Richie lose Eddie. 

“Honey,” she cried, trying to pull herself together enough to formulate coherent words. “Honey, he’s dead.”

Richie immediately turned back to Eddie, cupping his cheek with one hand and thumbing over it gently as he silently pleaded to any god out there to let Beverly’s words be a lie. 

Nothing came. 

He felt himself crumble as Eddie stayed still, his skin cold and lifeless. He was shaking and all he wanted was to be held. With hands holding him back at first, he pulled Eddie’s body into his arms, wrapping one arm around his torso and the other around his shoulders, tangling his fingers into the man’s hair. He’d never felt worse pain in his life than feeling Eddie’s limp, lifeless head roll into the crook of his neck. 

He felt sick at the thought of never being able to hold his husband like that ever again. He wasn’t sure he could even live without it. 

“Rich we gotta’ go, the whole place is coming down,” Ben explained, his hands on his friend’s shoulders. Richie didn’t budge. “Rich, come on, man. We’re not gonna’ make it out if we don’t go.”

Richie just wept into Eddie’s hair and held the love of his life as tightly as he could for the last time. 

All he wanted was to just stay there with Eddie and let the house bury them together. 

Richie refused to move. 

There were hands grabbing at him after that, pulling him away from Eddie as he fought back. His heart shattered into millions of pieces as he watched Eddie’s body fall limply against the wall of the cave and Richie lost it. 

There were bodies holding him up and holding him back but he screamed. He screamed and fought and begged for them to go back. To let him save him. He pleaded until his voice was nothing more than a ragged yell of unintelligible words and he gave up begging and just kept yelling for Eddie instead. 

Tears were streaming down his cheeks so fast he couldn’t even tell if they were new or old, but he could barely breathe he was sobbing so hard. 

He hardly noticed as being dragged through the tunnels of the cavern turned into wading through sewer water, but he never once stopped fighting. Mike and Ben remained steadfast and didn’t loosen their grip on their friend, but Richie persisted no matter what. He’d never be able to forgive himself if he didn’t fight for his husband. 

Not that he was ever going to forgive himself for what had happened anyway. 

The house collapsing was the last straw. 

His whole life was buried beneath that house. 

He screamed like he’d never screamed before and he honest-to-god thought he might be going insane from the sheer amount of disassociation going on in his head. It was surreal. He just lost his whole life. His partner, his best friend, _the_ _love of his life. _Gone. Buried as if he was just another part of that house that had overstayed its welcome in that town. 

His body felt so useless. His legs wouldn’t hold him up anymore and once his friends had realized that he had no fight left in him, they let him go and he fell to his knees, curling up on the ground and clawing at his hair. 

He couldn’t bring himself to cry. 

Instead, his chest heaved and ached like his heart had been ripped right out of his chest. It might as well have been, as far as he was concerned. 

Eddie was gone. Edward Kaspbrak, the only man he’s ever loved, was gone. He’d never see him again, never hold him again, never tell him how he was the most important thing in the world. Just gone. Gone, and never coming back. 

He wasn’t sure how long he laid there on the ground, but he was grateful that his friends had given him space. Feeling the lack of physical comfort solidified it. He might not have ever been able to cry if he hadn’t let himself hurt like that. So he laid on the ground amongst the dirt, and the gravel, and the dead grass, and the weeds. He laid as close to Eddie as he’d ever be able to get and just laid still. He didn’t cry, he didn’t speak. He just laid there with Eddie. 

By some miracle, his friends were able to drag him along to the quarry afterwards. 

Richie hadn’t quite understood what was happening, but he trusted his friends. He would’ve stayed there with Eddie forever if they had let him, but he had lost all willingness to fight. There was nothing left in him keeping him going. He figured he might as well go wherever his friends were taking him. He could trust them. He wasn’t sure he could trust himself, but if there was anything he was always sure of, it was that he could always trust his friends. 

When they arrived at the top of the cliff they used to jump off together as kids, Richie was hit with a memory that felt like a knife right through his heart. 

_ “C’mon Eds! It’s like that vertigo shit that makes it look higher than it is! It’s not so bad,” Richie insisted, Eddie stubbornly standing in his tightie-whities on the cliff, he and Richie the only two left after Bill and Stan had already jumped. _ _  
_ _ They were twelve and all high on excitement about the first day of their last summer summer before starting middle school the following year. Their group was a mere four boys back then. The core four. Bill had found the unguarded cliff while playing tag with Georgie on their way home from the library a couple weeks prior. _

_ “Don’t call me that, asshole!” Eddie screeched as Richie grabbed his wrist and tried to lead him to the cliff’s edge, digging his heels into the dirt. “There’s no way you’re getting me to jump off a cliff! Haven’t your parents ever told you not to like...literally try to get yourself killed?” _

_ Richie laughed the way he used to before he realized how many horrors would befall their young group. _

_ “My mom? No way, but _ your _ mom is always telling me to be safe so we can keep our affair going.” _

_ Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes, turning away from the cliff and folding his arms over his chest. _

_ “You really think that’s gonna’ make me want to listen to you?” _

_ Richie chuckled, ruffling the smaller boy’s hair. _

_ “Worth a shot, Spaghetti Man,” Richie teased. “C’mon, don’t you trust me?” _ _  
_ _ There was genuine curiosity in his tone as Eddie looked up to scan his face for any signs of an incoming joke. _

_ “Yeah, ‘course I do, but I just don’t-” _

_ “Perfect, because I really need you to not hate me after I do this!” Richie cheered, Eddie’s eyes going wide with panic as Richie backed away from both Eddie and the cliff, holding eye contact the whole time. _

_ “Richie, what the fuc-” _

_ Eddie started before cutting himself off with a scream as Richie came running towards him, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy’s waist and hoisting him up into the air, running and jumping off the edge of the cliff together. _

_ “RICHIE! RICHIE WHAT THE FUCK, STOP!” Eddie screamed as the two went flying, his arms unfolding to wrap tightly around Richie’s shoulders, holding on for dear life. _

_ The pair hit the water with a massive splash, Bill and Stan cheering from the bank of the lake nearby as their friends slowly came up to the surface for air. _

_ Richie was, for the first time, disappointed that he didn’t have his glasses in that moment. Eddie was treading water right beside him, water dripping off his face as he pushed his hair out of his eyes and the sun made him glow like some sort of angel. And he could see his smile. He couldn’t see much, but Eddie was smiling so much so that Richie could see how wide it was even without his glasses on. _

_ “So what’s the verdict, Eds?” Richie asked, kicking his legs up to float on his back, closing his eyes at first, but cracking one eye open to see Eddie beside him. _

_ Eddie laughed a little, jumping in the water so he splashed down onto his back, effectively spraying water all over his friend’s face. Richie was definitely going to get him back for that one later. Still, they held the same pose, floating with their eyes in the sky. _

_ “That was amazing,” he spoke excitedly, clearly not used to fun, as Richie would always say. “Can we go back up and do it again?” _ _  
_ _ Richie laughed, splashing his counterpart a little as revenge for a few minutes prior. _

_ “Oh, you believe me now? I guess I really am a genius, huh Spaghetti?” _

_ Eddie scoffed, splashing him back. _

_ “You wish, Trashmouth,” he said, a grin on his face. “Seriously though, race you back up to the top?” _

_ Richie immediately stopped floating to touch his feet back onto the sandy bottom of the lake. _

_ “You’re on.” _

He wrapped his arms around his torso, holding the fabric of his previously-bright yellow shirt tightly around him as he watched the others remove their shoes and extra layers of clothing. Beverly, as always, made the first move to climb over the newly-erected fence before taking a running leap over the edge. He hadn’t realized at first, but he held his breath until he could hear her splash into the water below. 

One by one they all jumped until only Bill and Richie were left. 

Richie had since found himself leaning up against the fence with Bill beside him, not that he had even been able to understand his surroundings enough to tell. 

“You don’t have to j-jump, you know,” Bill spoke, barely stuttering. In a way, it comforted Richie to see that his best friend seemed to be more at peace. “I’ll come with you if you w-want to just w-walk down.”

Richie just kept staring at the edge of the cliff. 

“Just go on ahead,” he whispered. His voice was hoarse from screaming. “I’ll be fine, seriously.”

Bill stepped closer, enough so that their arms were pressed together. 

“I’m not g-gonna’ leave you here.”

Richie exhaled shakily, subconsciously leaning closer to Bill as if desperate for contact. 

“I know,” Richie admitted, leaning his head onto the shorter man’s shoulder, giving in to his body’s craving to be comforted. “I wish you would though.”

Bill’s arms tightened around his friend for the first time in decades. 

“You and I b-both know we can’t get what we want,” Bill sighed and oh how right he was. 

Richie tightened his arms around Bill’s torso and took a deep breath, nodding. 

They stood for a few moments before Richie pulled away uncomfortably. Bill could tell he wanted to keep holding on, but he wouldn’t force the man to admit it. 

“You should go,” Richie spoke, looking over at the water below where their friends were swimming somewhere more shallow. “Wouldn’t want them to worry where you went.”

Bill stayed against the fence for a moment as Richie walked away to stand on the edge of the cliff. He hesitantly followed.

“You know y-you’re my brother right?” Bill said cautiously, eyeing how Richie seemed to be staring down at something in particular, yet also at nothing at all. He wasn’t sure how to help. He wasn’t sure if Richie even _ wanted _him to help, but he was going to try as best as he could. 

He’d do anything not to lose another brother. 

“Rich?” Bill asked hesitantly, but still no response came. “You’re my brother and I love you, man. I’m not letting you do this alone. I don’t care how hard it it, but we’re going back to L.A. together and we’re gonna’ be okay one day. You and me, brother.”

All Richie could think when he heard that was back when he had given that speech about losing Georgie. He didn’t stutter once. 

Richie said nothing for a moment, but just as Bill was about to give up, he looked up, walked back to the fence, and took off the yellow shirt over his gray t-shirt. 

He looked back at Bill with a watery-eyed smile. 

“You and me,” he spoke before he took off running towards his best friend, his first friend. His brother. His arms wrapped tightly around Bill’s waist as he lifted the smaller man into the air and the two went barrelling off the edge of the cliff. 

This, Bill supposed, was a start. 

Maybe it was the way he said it. The way he had always had a way with words when they took so much thought to even formulate them.

Maybe it was the promise that he wouldn’t be alone. That no matter how empty the apartment he had to go back to was, he’d never be alone. 

Or maybe it was just the acknowledgement that he was hurting and that he would be forever. That no matter how horrible he felt, one day he would be closer to okay. That he wasn’t the only one hurting.

They hit the water with a splash and for the first time in god knows how long, he thought maybe Eddie wasn’t the only person in the world who loved him. 

No one commented on the fact that they’d all been swimming around and cleaning off all of the blood and grime all over their bodies for a solid five minutes before Richie and Bill joined them, but he was grateful. No one asked him if he was okay. No one told him he’d get through it. No one told him it gets better. 

He just sat alone in the muddy water cleaning his glasses. His cracked glasses with Eddie’s blood on the lenses. 

The last thing left of Eddie. 

His thumbs gently cleaned around the blood, unable to bring himself to get rid of it. His hands were shaking as he gently ran his fingers over it, the blood having dried ages ago so he didn’t risk smearing it. The shattered lens gave him a small cut on his finger, but he didn’t even notice. Not until a drop of his own blood ran down the lens, mixing with Eddie’s. 

People were talking. He paid as little attention as he could, but as soon as he heard Eddie’s name he couldn’t help but hear the things they were saying about him.

How he would’ve hated them cleaning themselves off in dirty water. 

How he would’ve made them laugh. 

Richie knew they were right, to some extent, but there was always one exception to Eddie’s hypochondria. 

The quarry was his favorite place in the world, as a kid. Richie had the Aladdin Arcade and Eddie had the quarry. 

It was the closest thing to exercise that he could get away with when it came to his mom. It was the one place that Bowers and his goons never checked when they were hunting them down for one reason or another. It was how he first realized he was never interested in girls and instead, always found himself sneaking glances at his _ male _ best friends. Even though it was really only ever Richie that he found himself staring at. It was where they shared their first kiss. 

_ “You sure you want to be swimming in this water, Eddie? It’s full of sewer drainage, after all,” Stan asked from the rocks where he was laying on a towel with his binoculars trained on the trees across the lake. He usually just jumped off the cliff with the rest of them before getting too grossed out and exiting the water to go birdwatching instead. _

_ Eddie, in the middle of a splashing battle with Richie and Bill, paid him no mind and kept smiling and laughing with his friends. Maybe in another life he could’ve been a swimmer. _

_ After one final dunk from Richie, Bill resurfaced with his hands in the air, laughing and claiming that he had to go. The dramatized whines of his friends made him laugh as Bill stepped out of the water and dried himself off, putting his clothes back on. _

_ “Bye guys! I’ll see you at school tomorrow!” Bill waved as he walked away. _

_ Richie wolf-whistled, making Bill’s cheeks turn red. “Yeah Big Bill, get some!” _ _  
_ _ They all knew he was going to play rehearsal. Bill had, for whatever reason, signed up for the school play and miraculously been cast in the lead role with that redhead girl Beverly Marsh. None of them knew her before the casting announcement, but the boy’s three friends had taken to learning everything they could about her. She and Bill did have a kiss scene after all. _

_ Once it was just Richie and Eddie left in the lake, the excitement of the splashing war had died down. _

_ “Have you ever kissed anybody, Rich?” Eddie asked quietly, knowing Stan would either be too distracted to hear them or asleep. Or ignoring them entirely. _

_ “Other than your mom?” He teased, receiving a splash in the face. “No, I haven’t. Why, have you been getting any action lately Eds?” _

_ Eddie rolled his eyes. Richie knew he wasn’t. They told each other everything, after all. _

_ “Shut up,” Eddie huffed. _

_ “Why’d you ask then?” Richie continued, which Eddie probably should’ve anticipated. _

_ “I don’t know,” he lied, knowing he would cave in and elaborate. “It’s just...Bill is gonna’ kiss that Beverly girl a whole bunch of times and...isn’t that weird? Like super gross?” _

_ Richie laughed and Eddie relaxed a little bit. _

_ “Definitely. Super gross actually, I mean, who would want to kiss Bill?” Richie teased, which made Eddie laugh. “Actually, now that I think about it, Bill probably won’t be all that bad. His parents did make him learn the recorder, right? He’s gotta’ be good at it.” _ _  
_ _ Eddie bit his lip. “How can he be good at it? It...it’s not like hard or anything, right?” _

_ Richie stared at him. _

_ “Dude, you don’t just start off as a good kisser on your first time! You gotta’ practice that way you get good at all different kinds,” Richie explained like it was obvious. Eddie clung to his every word. _

_ “Oh,” he sighed, embarrassed. “I didn’t even know there were different ways to do it.” _

_ Richie laughed a little, the kind of laugh that Eddie could tell wasn’t directed at him, but rather in understanding of something that was admittedly confusing. _

_ “I can show you if you want,” Richie suggested, his face immediately turning bright red as he said it. “I-I mean, not...not in like a weird way, but-” _

_ “Sure. Y-yeah, that’s...that’s a good idea,” Eddie agreed shyly, eyeing Stan on the rocks to make sure he wasn’t paying them any attention. _

_ Richie smiled and his eyes lit up, which admittedly made his stomach feel like it was full of butterflies. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t mind it. _

_ With a few awkward laughs to get themselves psyched up, Richie ultimately cupped one of Eddie’s cheeks with his hand and suddenly it all felt very real. He was gentle, more gentle than anyone had ever been with him, and Eddie felt like he could just melt right there into the water below. _

_ “You’re sure you know what you’re doing?” He teased, reveling in the fact that Richie’s nervousness seemed to subside, even if only for a moment. _

_ “Just ask you mom, Eds,” Richie answered too easily, Eddie rolling his eyes before taking the leap himself and closing the gap between their lips. Richie held onto him like he would never let him go and, as much as little twelve-year-old Eddie didn’t understand his feelings, he knew it felt right. _

There were tears in his eyes before he even realized what was happening. He broke down, finally letting the aftermath of what had happened hit him like a tidal wave. Their story was over. Their love story for the ages had come to a close and with that, everything he’d known about himself for almost forty years. How was he supposed to live without the one thing that kept him grounded? The one thing that kept him from falling apart. The one person on this Earth that knew him better than he could possibly know himself. That loved him more than anyone else ever would. 

His body shook from his sobs as he could feel his friends’ eyes shift towards him as he sat there in the water wishing he could just sink below the surface and stay there forever. 

Beverly was the first to reach him.

Then Mike.

Ben and Bill came next, wrapping their arms around him from opposite sides like a big sandwich of men too attractive for their own good. 

And they held him. They held him because they knew it was the one thing that might help just a little bit. It wouldn’t make things any better. Not even a little bit, but it would help. In one way or another, it would help. 

They stayed there for as long as he needed, which wasn’t as long as they had expected, but this was Richie. His whole shtick was doing the unexpected. He cracked a painfully forced joke, which they all laughed at for the sake of protecting their friend’s coping mechanisms, and somehow dropped his glasses into the water during their hug. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel jealous when, as all of his friends split up to help him look for the glasses, he saw Ben and Beverly finally get their shit together and kiss for the first time in their own private moment under the water. 

And he wasn’t mad. He wasn’t even upset about it for more than a second. He just felt sad that now one more thing that had been his was lost. 

That place, that disgustingly unsafe place, had always been their special place. His and Eddie’s. It was where they had their first kiss, after all. It held good memories. 

But now it was theirs. It was Ben and Beverly’s, and maybe that was okay. He could stand to let go enough for them to have their moment. They had definitely earned it. 

He and Eddie had a good run. He was, at the very least, grateful that it was two of his friends that he loved so much that would be the ones to pick up where they left off. 

It took a while before they eventually left. 

Walking through the streets with a group of four people he loved more than anyone else left on Earth was somehow the most isolating and polarizing thing he’d ever felt. He was the odd man out again. 

When Bevely stopped them to look at the scars on their hands, it was just another thing lost. There was no reason left to come back to Derry. No reason left to stay. Even as they all looked up and noticed their reflections in the window of a bung across the street, there was nothing Richie could see other than Eddie staring back at him. Sure, he could see all seven of them clear as day in the same position they had found themselves in twenty-seven years prior, but his eyes were stuck on Eddie. 

Eddie who was alive right there in his memory. 

Alive and thirteen and the boy he fell in love with and never fell out. 

That was his husband. The man he wanted all his life and by some miracle, his dream came true. 

Being a famous comedian with his own comedy specials, getting nominated for an Emmy, living in his favorite city…

That was nice. Those were all dreams of his that he’d been lucky enough to achieve. 

But above all of that?

The _ one thing _ he’s always wanted more than anything else in the world…

That was the boy staring back at him in the reflection. 

All he’d ever wanted and needed was Eddie by his side. 

He’d rather work four jobs and live in a shitty studio with no power, go hungry every day and live so miserably that on the outside, anyone would assume that he’d hate his life. He’d give up everything he loved about the life he lived if he just got to keep Eddie. Not the other way around. His job and his home and his lifestyle meant nothing if Eddie wasn’t there by his side. 

The idea of having to go back to Los Angeles and tell jokes without instinctively listening for Eddie laughing in the wings was something of a nightmare when he realized how heavily he had depended on it for so long. And god, how his fans loved Eddie. All of his jokes and stories about him over the years had gained the man quite the fanbase. 

And now it would all be gone. 

When he followed the others back to the townhouse, none of them said anything to him. Maybe it was out of fear of saying the wrong thing and setting him off, or maybe it was out of courtesy, but no one spoke more than a sentence or two to him until they all left for the airport that night. 

He didn’t stop by the Kissing Bridge again before he left Derry. He just couldn’t do it, not without Eddie.

It was hard enough just getting him to leave Derry out of fear of forgetting Eddie altogether, but Bill refused to leave without him. The two men left for Los Angeles together, Bill only leaving at Richie’s insistence when he returned to the apartment he and Eddie used to share. Bill was hesitant to leave him at first, the lingering aftershock of what Stanley had done tainting his view of his friend. He would never forgive himself if he left Richie end up like that, but he definitely wouldn’t blame him. For an unpredictable boy that grew up into an unpredictable man, that was the one thing Richie could do that wouldn’t surprise him. 

In fact, being able to go on living in a world without Eddie Kaspbrak might just be his biggest surprise yet. 

Even so, he understood that this was something Richie needed to do alone. 

Bill headed home with a pit in his stomach as he tried to figure out how to explain to his wife that two of the most important people in his life had died and it was destroying him even though he’d never even so much as _ mentioned _their names before. 

Richie sat outside the door to his apartment for longer than he’d like to admit as he tried to psych himself up enough to not break down the moment he stepped inside. 

This was their home. This apartment had been their home for almost two decades and now it felt like a whole new world. Los Angeles didn’t even feel like the city he knew and loved anymore. 

He carried both his and Eddie’s bags up to the doorstep, still wearing whatever pieces of his husband’s clothing he could fit into. 

With shaking hands, he unlocked the door and stepped inside. 

From the outside, Richie Tozier-Kaspbrak was just a guy coming home from a business trip or vacation or something of the like. His husband was still at work or maybe still outside unloading the rest of their luggage. Just out of view. Nothing more.

From the outside, he was just jetlagged. The lifelessness in his eyes just meant he hadn’t had any coffee yet that morning. Nothing more, nothing less. 

The way he clung to the fabric of his clothes just meant they were still warm, fresh out of the dryer even. He was just cold was all. He hadn’t lost anything.

His body ached as he walked because he had back problems like any other forty-year-old man. He stood like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders because he needed a new desk chair, not because he’d never let go of the guilt of his husband dying to save his life. 

He was an ordinary man who had tour dates in Reno in two days and an agent that had called him over thirty times in the last two days about the interview on some late-night talk show that he hadn’t showed up at. An ordinary man with thousands of Twitter mentions asking him what had happened and if he was okay. 

With overwhelmed tears in his eyes, he opened up the Twitter app on his phone and sent out one message.

_ Apologies to @SethMeyers for bailing on Thursday. To everyone else, I’ll see to it that your tour tickets will be reimbursed. We had a great run, everybody. I hope to be able to return to the stage one day. Your support over the years has meant the world. Love from Eds and I. _

He shut off his phone and left it on the kitchen counter, just under their landline, still in two pieces from his phone call with Mike. 

God, he should’ve never answered that phone call. 

It wasn’t Mike’s fault, he knew, he_ knew that _, but they were happy. They had always been happy with the way things were. Before the phone call, they were perfect. Sure, they didn’t even remember the fact that they had grown up together and fallen in love as kids, but they had found their way back to each other despite all of that. It was a miracle enough on its own. They just took advantage of it. 

But he couldn’t deny all of it. Being able to remember how happy they were as kids, being able to see all of their friends again...that was priceless. Even just being able to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they were only ever meant for each other...he couldn’t say that he regretted it all. 

That night, after hours of crying and lying around the floor holding pictures and clothes and everything that sparked another memory, he told himself he would at least try to fall asleep. He had promised his friends after all. He was certain that there was no way he’d ever be able to sleep, probably not for days, but he was going to try for them. 

Walking into his and Eddie’s bedroom was like a whole new level of hurt. 

They had always been _ that _ couple. The one that couldn’t sleep without each other. Maybe they hadn’t known it all that time, but they had been sleeping in the same bed since they were in elementary school. Almost every night when they were kids, Richie would sneak out to Eddie’s house where the other boy dutifully left his bedroom window open for his best friend. It only became more frequent after their feelings were brought into the mix. Even as adults, they spent every night together that they could. Sure, sometimes Eddie would work night shifts in the E.R. as a nursing student, and sometimes Richie would be across the country for his shows, but they made sure to either have a phone call going or a video chat. The amount of hours they’d just Skyped from across the country was in the tens of thousands and almost every night shift Eddie would have his phone in his pocket, the barely-audible sound of his husband’s breathing giving him reassurance that they were together in some small way. 

Now he was alone. 

He wasn’t even thinking when he rounded the opposite side of the bed to what had _ always _ been Eddie’s side. He pulled back the covers and wept all over again. 

There, under the covers, was a folded piece of paper with nothing but a small heart drawn on the outermost fold. He definitely wasn’t fucking prepared for this. 

He gingerly held the paper out away from his face so his tears didn’t ruin any of the writing as he unfolded it carefully. He needed Eddie. Goddamn, he fucking needed Eddie. 

_ Richie, _

It read, making chills run down his spine as he could hear the man’s voice in his head as clear as day as he laid down, surrounding himself in the scent of aftershave and chamomile tea that still lingered on the pillow. 

_ I know you left. I could feel you climb out of bed and I didn’t want to say anything, but I’m not letting you go that easily. Mike called me again just before I decided to write this, but needless to say, I’m coming with you. I could never let you go in alone and you know that. We’re a team. We always have been. _

_ I can’t believe we didn’t remember we grew up together. I always thought that saying you were the love of my life felt different, but maybe that was why. Because you always have been. It was always you, our whole lives, and by some miracle we found each other again. _

_ I don’t even know why I’m writing this, but I guess I’m just realizing that I’m really fucking lucky to have you, Rich. I know I give you shit all the time and I tease you constantly (because you deserve it) and I probably don’t tell you how much I love you anywhere near as much as I should, but I do. I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your big ‘ole forehead around. _

_ If this all goes to shit once we get to Derry, don’t worry about me, okay? I trust you and the others. God, the other Losers. If anything happens you’d better tell them all how much I love them all. You all are the closest thing I’ve ever had to a real family. _

_ I guess I’m leaving this because I know what you’ll do if things do go wrong. I know you better than I know myself and I know that if anything ever happened to me you’d let it destroy you. Please, for fucks sake, don’t do anything drastic. If I’m gone, I don’t want to see you wherever I end up for a long, long time. _

_ Maybe I’m being crazy, but I just have a feeling. Besides, if nothing goes wrong, I’ll just get rid of this letter and no one will ever have to read it. I just worry about this kind of thing. You know that better than anybody, but I guess some things never change. _

_ Take care of yourself. Breathe, drink water, eat something that’ll keep you alive, not that disgusting drive through crap you get after shows. Find someone to keep you grounded. Maybe the rest of the Losers. I’m pretty sure Bill lives around here anyway. I don’t want to see you lose yourself just because you lost me. It’s the one thing I’ll ever ask for that I will never forgive you for ignoring. And I’ve forgiven you for a lot of your bullshit over the years. _

_ Keep living for me. Really living. _

_ I’ll see you again before you know it, I promise. Just hold on a little longer. _

_ And just in case I don’t get the chance to tell you again… _

_ I’m everything that I am because of you. I was made to live in love with you and it’s been the greatest thing in my life to be able to say that I love you. I’ve always been the luckiest man in the world. You really came out of nowhere, Rich, but somehow you’re the only thing that’s ever made sense. I’ll rest easy no matter what as long as you know how much I love you. Only you can ease my mind. I’ll love you forever and ever and whatever comes after that. And longer because I will beat you if you think you can win. I will find a way to love you longer than anyone has ever loved another person and even if I can’t, I’m going to spend the rest of my time in love just trying to beat that goddamn record. _

_ You’re everything in the world to me, Richie Tozier-Kaspbrak. _

_ Love, Eds _

And maybe that was exactly what he needed to hear. 

Eddie did always know him like that, after all. 

Maybe it was all he’d ever need to hear. 


	2. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~an epilogue~

“It’s been a while, huh?” Richie spoke, his hand that held the microphone shaking. He laughed nervously along with the audience. He ran a hand through his hair, shorter and thinning more than it had been the last time he’d performed. “A lot can happen in almost a year and a half, but I’ll be honest, I haven’t done much of anything for most of all that time.”

The audience laughs a bit more at that one. He likes that he can actually see their faces. He always used to hate performing at venues so big he couldn’t even see into the audience. He liked the Roxy. 

“You know, Eddie and I went on a date here once,” he starts, grateful that Eddie’s name on his tongue no longer makes him instantly burst into tears. The crowd cheers at the mention of his husband and it makes his heart a bit warm, much to his own surprise. “We went to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers here in ‘91, actually.” 

A few whoops and cheers from the audience make him smile fondly at the memory. 

“But you all didn’t come all the way out here just to hear me talk about this place,” he teased, grabbing his water bottle so he had something to do with his free hand other than worrying the hem of his nice shirt that Beverly had given to him.

“As I’m sure most of you know,” he paused, his heart pounding in his chest. He knows his friends are here.  _ He’s going to be okay _ , he tells himself. No matter what happens, he’ll still have them. “I took a bit of an unexplained hiatus for a while. I know I refunded everything when I canceled my tour and all that, but just in case any of you guys had been really hoping to see me get up on stage and talk about how my husband is too good for me and how my landlord is like one loud noise away from kicking us out, I’m really sorry.”

He took a deep breath. 

“Performing is like breathing to me. It was literally hell to go without it for so long, I’m realizing. I hadn’t even realized how much I’d missed it until now, but it just wasn’t possible for me for a while so I’m working on trying to forgive myself for that,” he laughed awkwardly as a few people cheered. “I’m really trying to hold myself together for this, you guys.”

Murs emerged from the crowd as people began to anticipate the reveal of whatever theory the media came up with that they had jumped on. In particular, there was plenty of media coverage surrounding three very high-profile celebrities — as well as one budding travel photographer they had yet to notice — that publicly asked the media, paparazzi, and fans to leave him alone and respect his privacy on multiple occasions. God, he fucking loved his friends. 

“But you came here to find out why and that’s what I promised to tell you, so here goes nothing,” he rushed, his voice shaky and close to tears as he desperately scanned the small crowd for his friends, needing some form of reassurance. Sure enough, there were his friends off to the side at a small table for six; two empty seats around them. The silence that followed seemed to wrap around him as the microphone in his hand trembled. 

“I lost my husband,” he spoke before he could psych himself out of it and bail. The whole building went silent. “I...I know a lot of you loved Eddie, and you used to love hearing stories about him or watching me post nothing but pictures of him on social media.”

He took another shaky breath. 

“And I’m really sorry because I know this is going to hurt for a lot of people, but you don’t deserve to be kept in the dark anymore.”

He paused long enough to hear the sniffles fill the crowded silence. 

“That’s definitely not as interesting as the theory that I pulled an Avril Lavigne and got replaced by a clone or got abducted by aliens something, but it’s the truth.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks as he laughed humorlessly. 

“Sorry, if I don’t try to be funny at least a little bit, I’m gonna’ feel really bad for making all you guys cry.” Mildly-sniffled laughter followed. 

“On August fourteenth of last year,” he continued, his voice wavering. “There was an accident. I was in Derry, Maine; our hometown, with my four other favorite people in the world.” He smiled as he spoke about his friends. 

“Some of you might know them actually. Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom,” he spoke, pausing for the applause with a small laugh. “And my friend Mike that all of you are definitely going to see published in  _ National Geographic _ or  _ Time _ or something one day.”

The audience cheered almost nervously as if unsure whether they were being insensitive or not. 

“Don’t worry, you guys are free to laugh and cheer at all that. Trust me, I need it. It’s been a while,” he assured them, which was met with more laughs.

“But we had a little impromptu reunion back in our hometown,” he continued, returning to the story. “Oh yeah, and another thing we never told you,” he chuckled. “Eddie and I grew up together. We met when we were five.”The crowd ‘awwed’ as he blushed. “We had our first kiss when we were twelve, basically got together when we were about thirteen, then dated in secret from  _ literally _ everyone until we were eighteen and we went off to college, and then picked it up again later on while Eds was still in med school.”

“So we went back home to meet our best friends from when we were kids,” he was smiling as he spoke without even realizing it. “We used to call ourselves ‘The Losers Club’, which is ironic now considering what we all made of ourselves, but at the time we were all serious losers and if you’d told anyone we went to school with back then that I’d be up here right now as an  _ Emmy winner _ and that Bev would be showing at New York Fashion Week, and all that insane shit, you probably would’ve gotten yourself punched in the face and maybe shanked.” The subsequent laughter from his friends was louder than any other. “So we had a little Losers Club reunion in what is, arguably, the worst city in the entire world.”

He bit his lip, his smile faltering as he realized he hadn’t explained one key detail. 

“Ah, I uh...there’s one more thing,” he corrected, running a hand through his hair. “My best friends and I—there were seven of us. Me, Eds, Bill, Bev, Ben, Mike...and Stan. Stan was my first friend and even though none of us really kept in touch after we started to move away from each other, aside from Eddie and I, I really fucking missed him.” He dragged a hand down his face to compose himself. “Ole’ Stan the Man had it really bad when we were kids when it came to all the bullying and the trauma and stuff. He, uh, he didn’t make it to the reunion, is all I’m gonna’ say. I don’t…” he paused, trailing off as he took for his friends again. “I don’t really want to think about it if that’s okay.”

He took a swig of water just to fill the silence before he continued. 

“There was an accident with this guy who used to torment us as kids,” he explained, knowing he was mostly lying to the crowd but knowing there was no way in hell he could ever tell them the truth. This was the story he and the rest of the Losers had agreed was close enough to the truth. “He escaped from a mental hospital nearby just a couple days before we all met up there. And this guy…this guy was really awful. Like he killed a bunch of kids and then killed his dad, kind of awful. He literally stabbed one of our own once.”

Combining Henry and Pennywise wasn’t actually as difficult as he had first thought. Besides, it was the story that the Derry Police had gone with back in 1989 so he could at least avoid any hot water if people were to look into Derry’s history more. 

“He attacked us — Mike, Eds, and I. We weren’t armed and this guy literally had no self-preservation or humanity so he didn’t hold back. We just got unlucky I guess,” Richie trailed off, rubbing his eyes roughly. 

“Eddie was always the one to save me from the stupid shit I got myself into,” he smiled sadly, giving up on trying to stop himself from crying. “He did it time, and time again and I guess...I guess that was just the last time.”

Warmth blossomed in his chest as he finally came clean about everything. 

“So I’m going to waste the rest of your evening with some advice,” he explained, laughing to himself at the thought. “I’m literally the last person on this Earth that’s qualified to tell other people how to live, but fuck that, I’m gonna’ do it anyway.”

He twisted the wedding band around his ring finger. 

“You never think the last time is going to be the last time. You always think there will be more. I never thought the last time we went to our favorite park was going to be the last time. I never thought our last night sharing a bed together was going to be the last,” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I never thought the last time I kissed him was going to be the last. God, I never thought that the last time I ever heard him say he loved me would be the last time.”

He quickly brushed away his tears. 

“You go through life thinking you have forever, but you don’t. Maybe you only have a day, a week a month. Maybe you have a year or even a decade. Maybe it’s a whole lifetime, but you can’t live like that.” He exhaled shakily. “But I don’t even know what’s hurts more—the memory of what happened or the future that we’ll never get.”

He took a deep breath, pausing for a few moments to compose himself before continuing. 

“You never know how much time you have left with the people you love. I thought I had more time. I didn’t know that so many moments were the lasts, but I’ve learned this,” he paused, choking out a sob as he tried to find a way to smile. “Instead of living in fear of the lasts, just live with love for all the moments. Even the ones where you’re pulling your hair out and screaming because you’ve been at the car dealership for five hours and suddenly every car might as well be a flaming death trap and nothing is safe enough—don’t do it halfway. Do it all the way, all in with no regrets. Make it last no matter how short your time together is.”

He sat down in the middle of the stage, folding his legs and holding the microphone with both hands. 

“So, my darling Eddie Spaghetti, if you’re listening,” he chuckled tearily. “Maybe eighty years on this Earth will feel like twenty, and maybe I’ll blink my eyes and you’ll be back in my arms, but for now I’ll soak every moment in. I’ll try as hard as I can to live for as many reasons as I can find and spread every ounce of love I can so that when that day comes, I’ll run and tell you everything I was able to do. Not for me, but because of you.” The cheers that followed were deafening and Richie smiled more than he had in ages. 

“Every day is one day closer to you,” he finished quietly. The roaring applause that followed him as he proceeded to jump off the front of the stage rather than exiting through the wings. He ran straight for his friends, diving into their waiting embrace as they all held him tightly until he had calmed down. 

He wasn’t okay, not even close, but he was getting closer every day. He wasn’t giving up, not when a certain someone taught him how to be brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for all the love on this fic:) it means the world to see that people are excited about it after all of the time i spent writing it
> 
> if you enjoyed this little epilogue, please drop me a comment or hmu on tumblr @krustywhore! i plan on writing more reddie one-shots starting asap, but if you have any requests, feel free to send 'em in

**Author's Note:**

> thank for reading this everybody:) i know it's long as fuck so if anyone actually finishes this i'll die of happiness
> 
> also special shoutout to zoe and ray for encouraging me to write this and also bullying me for killing eddie, y'all are pretty cool ily
> 
> if you comment on this i'll love you forever


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